50 Shades of Poor
by Just.Pieces.In.Their.Games
Summary: He's drunk and mad. He's slurring his words and he looks a mess, back the way he started. Each of the steps he takes is wobbly and uncoordinated, and he looks mad with rage and alcohol. Tears pour down like a waterfall as she steps closer. "Peeta…" she breathes warily, "I didn't know they were coming…" She is trying to dance around the subject of the homeless shelter.
1. Chapter 1

**_I'm all out of faith. This is how I feel._**

**_ I'm cold and I am chained, lying naked on the floor. _**

I'd sit inside wondering why I couldn't have been _out there _like the other kids I'd see every day. I was small, short and not yet broad like I'd fill out to be. Let me tell you, when your mother openly does the things mine does, no one treats you like they should. I was just a kid, and every other day I'd have a new scar or bump or bruise. Then I'd get to school and get one from some big guy whose name I don't even want to try to remember. _Cato_, my brain reminds me. _Damn you_.

Cato was no doubt a pure bread ass. He was the kind of kid you just knew would grow up to be the biggest bruiser ever. He'd laugh because in my district, our "bath tub" is a bucket. No hot water. No freedom, period. That's what I get for trying to excel in _something _(aka an education). I get my ass beat down by _it_.

The final straw, the reason I ran far away, was because I was out cold for four days, a goose egg sized lump on my head after my mother had hit me with a pan. Purposefully. You want to know what I do now? Nothing. I am unemployed. How are you supposed to get a job when you barely ever attended school, have physiological problems and never stay in one place? The answer, my friends, is simple; you don't.

My name is Peeta. I am 23. I'm an alcoholic. I used to have a life, but it slipped through my fingers like the sand of a beach I've never been to. I've been asked to attend these meetings where they talk about drinking problems and getting young people off of the streets. I don't know what that is and I'm as skittish as a deer, so I veer away from that. Now I sit outside of a liquor store, slumped against the wall with my hood pulled down over my eyes, trying to sleep. It's hard when someone kicks you in the leg.

I look up and see a mocha skinned girl, sneering as she kicks me again, her leg hitting the metal of my prosthetic that I mentioned. I didn't mention it? Oh... I got hit by a car when I was little, okay? My mom's car. "Get lost." She growls, looking down on me.

"Do you own the place?" I ask groggily, trying to scoot away.

"Doesn't matter if I own the place, no one wants to see a poor drunk moping around. I said, get lost." She repeats herself, pointing down the road as if it'd do her any good. I just cross my arms, looking down again. "I'll call the cops on you." She warns, a threat I've heard many times in my life.

"Yeah go ahead." I chuckle. She huffs and stomps off, leaving me in peace and soon enough, I drift off to sleep.

Once again I'm disturbed, but in a much less orderly manner. I'm banged atop the head with something hard. I howl in pain, clutching my hand incase whoever this is does it again. I use my good leg to help crawl away from this shit-head. "The lady told you to get lost." A young voice says, cracking me on the head again.

"Ow! Stop, okay!" I yell, curling away. "I'll lea-"

"Gale!" An angry female voice protrudes from the darkness. "What the hell was that?" I hear heels against the cold concrete as I reach under my hood and probing my skull, groaning as my fingers come away stained red.

"Rue told me to take care of him." The man defends, but it does him no good.

"Lawlessly?!" The girl snaps and gets no response. Someone touches my forearm, but I try not to look at them.

"Mister, are you okay?" She asks, right by my ear. I do turn my head to look into stony gray eyes now, and she looks a bit surprised. "You're no mister at all…" She mutters, standing as if my age made me despicable. I look up at my original attacker now, and see a gray eyed brown haired young man, glaring at me. "Leave, Gale." The girl snaps and he hesitantly complies.

I moan again as my head starts to throb, pulling up my bad leg but can't find the strength to stand. I can tell I'm being watched but don't care. "What's wrong with you?" The icy eyed girl asks.

"What does it look like?" I snap. She's silent for a beat before she grabs my arm, hoisting me up, quick to let go and I stumble back into the wall for balance.

` "Are you drunk?" She accuses.

This doesn't heed a response. They always think I'm drunk. "They" being the people with money and houses and lives always presume I'm just a bum. They'd be right. I gain steadiness again, turning to walk down an alley with the odd gait I've possessed since I lost my leg. The girl gasps.

"Oh my… I'm so sorry!" She says hastily, rushing next to me again. "I had no idea you were… you had…" She stammer, touching my shoulder. I throw off her hand, continuing to walk away. "Let me give you a ride at least!" She calls after me and I clench my fists.

"I don't even know where I'm going!" I burst. I blink away the dab of blood that's trickled from the crest of my head down into my eye since I refused to look anywhere but at my feet.

"Well then, come back." She says.

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**_The song was Natalie Imbruglia's "Torn" Review pwease._**


	2. Chapter 2

**_My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all._**

**_ The morning rain clouds up my window, and I can't see at all._**

**_ Even if I could it would all be gray…_**

I turn back to the girl, wondering 'What the hell could you possibly do for me?' while a drop of rain falls onto my navy blue sweatshirt.

"The sky's about to open up and its freezing. Why don't you come inside?" She asks, obviously tired of my attitude. _My _attitude.

"I don't really want to." I mutter, staring downwards again.

"Oh, come on! I won't bite! Just… come!" She says, waving me over. 'You didn't finish your sentence. I think you meant come here poor homeless boy', I think snidely to myself, 'Let me pity you'.

I slowly walk towards her, and the second I stand under the light of the streetlamp, she hauls me inside of the shop next to the liquor store, a nice department store. A little bit higher end. The lights seem extremely bright and I cringe. White, everything's white. I reach up to my face, covering my eyes. How can this girl drag me in here? Doesn't she have a manager or something? Isn't there some kind of law against poor people socializing with the middle to high class? Oh, there's not? I'm sorry, it always seems like it…

"Oh my god, you're bleeding!" She says, feigning concern. '_Cut the shit, lady'_, I inwardly snarl, but as I look her over, I see she's no older than me. She has wavy dark hair with a small frame. 'Hey now'.

There's an absolutely horrid song playing over the store and I'm forced to listen to it as I'm dragged to a back room, and the girl grabs gauze. "I could kill him. I'm so sorry he did this to you." She says, almost pleading for me to be forgiving.

"Whatever…" I grumble, looking away as she tugs away my hood, making me jump. My instinct is to clamber to cover myself up again but she's already dabbing at my tender head. "Ah…" I breathe, shrinking away.

"Sorry," she says, "I'll start calling around to see if I can find a place for you after I do this."

"You don't need to," I say, "I've never really needed 'a place' before."

"I'm Katniss by the way." She tells me and I nod.

"Peeta," I grumble unhappily.

She finishes cleaning up my head, and sets her appliances down on the counter, reaching for a phone. "You can walk around a bit. Only if you want to." She says quickly, obviously forgetting it's not easy for me. But I do it anyway, limping to the other side of the room so I don't have to hear her telephone conversation about a poor homeless kid she found outside and he now needs a place to stay.

It's a few minutes later Katniss sighs, hanging up the phone and dialing another number. Apparently they're not answering since she repeats this action.

'_The door is right there'_, my mind yells but I ignore. I couldn't make it there if I tried, I'm feeling a little woozy. Katniss hisses at someone, looking back at me for a second and I get the courage to listen in. "He's young, but he's hurt… His leg's been amputated… No, I don't think he's dangerous… Are you kidding me, you just said you had space… Great, fine, thanks." She snaps sarcastically, hanging up and leaning her hip against the counter.

'_Now would be a perfect time to scidattle!'_ My brain says but once again I don't listen. Someone's voice goes over to the intercom, warning that there's five minutes until the store closes.

"You can come home with me, and I'll keep calling there. C'mon." she says, jerking her head towards the door and I slowly follow. I don't even know if I'd regret anything if this girl's some kind of serial killer. She'd be doing me a favor.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

She drives me to a small house atop stilts, light blue in color. I gawk at it a moment and Katniss is visibly contemplating tapping my arm for my attention, which she doesn't know she already has, but says "Well, come on then," instead.

I think about asking her if she lives alone but decide that would be creepy, and I look like an idiot as I try to stand out of the car with my not-so-flexible prosthetic. She watches me, not offering to help and I finally get to my feet, walking after her. She leads me up a steep staircase which is a pain and she has the decency to hold the door for me. We emerge into a large dining room and I point to a chair, raising an eyebrow as if to ask 'Can I sit?', and she nods.

"Of course, go ahead." She says, putting her purse and whatnot on the counter that separates this room from the next. "Would you like something to drink?" She calls from what must be the kitchen.

"No," I say, studying the pictures on the wall, "I'm fine." All the pictures are of a man with dark hair like Katniss', but they're old and worn and I get the clue that whoever he is, he's either dead or gone or both. The other pictures are of the boy that attacked me, smiling warmly with Katniss' arms wrapped around him, kissing his cheek.

"I've called everywhere though…" Katniss argues on the phone, "Yes, turned down every time… _two weeks?_... Yeah, yeah okay. Two weeks it is." She says a little sadly, putting the phone down with a 'bang'. She growls, walking back to the dining room where I sit, handing me a glass of water I didn't ask for.

"Uh, thanks…" I grumble, sliding it towards me but don't drink it.

"Okay so the only home I could find with an open room for you will have to be waited for. For two weeks." She says, starting to tie her hair into a braid. I'm a little confused as to what this means, and it seems like she is too. She wraps a band at the end of the braid. "I don't really know what else to do for you… You can stay here for tonight," she offers, telling me with pain in her eyes: "My father has some old clothes upstairs you can use after you shower. I'll make something to eat." She leads me to a room upstairs that very clean and untouched. I feel like I shouldn't step into it.

"Here," Katniss says, handing me a pair of jeans, boxers and a dark t-shirt after digging in a dresser drawer. It looks kind of long for me but I accept without a word. "Alright, the bathroom is the next door to the left. Come down when you're done." She tells me, awkwardly squeezing past me, jogging down the stairs.

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**_Song at the top was Eminem feat. Dido "Stan" follow & review please_**


	3. Chapter 3

_**'Cause I just ran out of Band-Aids. I don't even know where to start.**_

_** 'Cause you can bandage the damage… You never really can fix a heart.**_

I slip into the bathroom, which is a lavender color with crème decorations and shower curtain. 'This is just too weird,' I think as I realize I'm undressing in a stranger's house. Why is she even helping me when she obviously resents pretty much every aspect of my being? She seems to want to stay away from me and there is no doubt in my mind this shower is so _she'll_ feel less dirty, not me.

I strip out of my layers of clothing, coming to think 'Where do I put these?' as I look around. I place them on the toilet seat and turn on the shower before removing one last item; my prosthetic.

I enter the shower with a great amount of effort and I won't make you listen to the details. Let me tell you, showering with one leg isn't easy and I have to lean against the ice cold tiles of the wall the whole time. I get a little mini heart attack each time I almost fall, grabbing for the small railing about waist high, which a waterproof radio hangs.

I shampoo and rinse, and then turn off the water, gingerly stepping out. I grab a towel and quickly dry myself off, relieved as I put my leg back on. Sounds weird, right?

I dress quickly, not to mention wobbly. I shake out my blonde hair and ram a hand through it, deciding it looks good enough. Something bright on the sink catches my eye and I look down to see a hot pink sticky note. 'Put your dirty clothes in the hamper of the room I showed you and you can hang your raincoat on the door.' It says. I look back up to the mirror, studying myself. I could use a shave. The shirt's a little tight, stretching over my chest. I could go for a haircut as well. Whatever.

I follow the post-its directions, walking to the seemingly untouched room and touching things, which feels so wrong, and hanging my outermost jacket on the door. I go downstairs slowly, gripping the railing with white knuckles. Stairs have always scared me, can't tell you why. It could be because if I fall I'm in deep shit.

Katniss is in the phone again, but I don't know who with. "I have a house guest, babe." She says, chuckling before adding, "Yes it's a he, but no he compared to you." She jokes and I feel my face grow red. This is one painfully honest woman. I peek around the corner, seeing Katniss leaning across the counter, stripped of her black work polo, now in just a tank top. 'Must be her boyfriend,' I think.

I think I hear something behind me, but nothings there. I raise an eyebrow and turn to the destination of the noise fully. I hear another sound that I can't really give a name; a brush running through hair, maybe. I duck into a room, a living room with overly soft carpeting and plush furniture. I walk to the couch but out of nowhere, something slashes at my fake leg, making a hissing sound. I turn and see a hideous looking cat. I stumble away from it as it hisses at me, its lips barely able to curl up since it looks like it's nose has caved inward.

That brushing sound was the cat and I sneer at its hideous features. A part of one of its ears is gone completely and it's just… ugly.

"I'm still not happy with what you did today… No, to the homeless boy… Did I take care of him? To your definition or mine?... Then yeah, kind of." Katniss continues to speak as I back out of the living room once again. I realize who this "babe" might be and listen in to her conversation which I can only hear one half of.

"Whatever, it's not important… Like I said, I have a guest; I'm a little housebound right now… Gale!" She squeals jokingly. I smack my own forehead. 'That big bastard was her boyfriend?' I say in my head. Well now I feel a bit… fucked. The damned cat is still watching me from afar, breathing a hiss now and then. I decide to take a minute to breathe, and walk into sight.

Katniss' eyes dart to me, clean and anew, and she tells Gale she has to leave. She hangs up, smiling quite un-genuinely at me. "Hi," she says, walking forward but not getting too close. "Are you hungry?"

"Uh, yeah kind of." I lie, though I think I'd feel like I was being a pain if I said no. I could go for a drink right now, though. But that's a bad frame of mind. I walk after her as she walks back into the kitchen, digging around for a while, telling me to sit down adding an uncomfortable "if you'd like" at the end.

I pull out the same chair at the dining table, sitting. "Did you shower easy with your, uh, leg?" She asks, dancing around the idea of saying fake, I can tell.

"It was difficult," I admit, "but I managed."

"Good," She mutters, telling me "I'm making mac & cheese, it'll take a little while. Go look around if you want."

I look down the hall and the second I make eye contact with the nightmarish cat, it hisses, stalking forward. "I would but uh…" My voice trails off as I meagerly point to it.

"Oh, Buttercup, get lost!" Katniss snaps and the cat scurries off in a flash. "Sorry, he's an old cranky thing."

"No, it's fine." I mumble, heaving myself up and walking aimlessly down the hall, poking my head in all of the open doors. A laundry room, another spare bedroom, a dark room with no windows which is presumably a bathroom. I get bored, walking back to the kitchen, checking for Buttercup before getting comfortable. I feel like I should strike up a conversation with Katniss and she looks like she feels the same way.

"What kind of places did you call for me?" I ask, knowing the answer is a shel-

"A shelter." She says. See? I nod, watching her hands as she works. She is obviously not real good at cooking, and my mind wanders off, thinking about when I'd spend all day laboring away in my family's kitchen. I shiver.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo x

We eat in silence and Katniss quickly excuses herself as headlights flash into the windows of the living room. She peeks through the blinds, mumbling to herself. I turn and watch as she leaves to what I remember being the door, opening it and asking "What are you doing here?"

An eerily familiar voice says "Just came to see you, babe." With an _audible _smirk. I clench my fists, waiting for the laughter and maybe violence as _he_ walks in and sees me.

"Gale, I don't have time. And I know the only reason you're here is because I said I had a house guest." Katniss say but there is another pair of footsteps on the linoleum anyway. They get closer and I turn away as they merge onto the carpet.

"Who… You brought him here?" Gale asks Katniss with a menacing laugh.

"I'm not going to let him wonder on the streets. Or go to the cops, _Gale_." She snaps. I'd kind of forgotten about my head and reach up to feel my injury. Just two little splits, but I'd washed away all the gruesome blood in the shower. I go back to my position, hunched over the table as Gale continues.

"They wouldn't do shit." He grumbles, walking forward and I can tell he's right behind me, his shadow looming over me. I turn my head to the side, seeing his hip out of the corner of my eye.

"Gale, knock it off." Katniss warns. He taps my shoulder, barking for me to stand up. "Gale!" She snaps again.

I slowly but surely follow Gale's curt order, looking up at him. "You're a short fuck." He growls. 'What did I even do to you?' I wonder.

"I've heard." I mumble. "You going to beat my ass, or what?" I ask.

"There's a lady right here," He says, smirking, "Watch your mouth." I narrow my eyes, but not willing to give him the satisfaction of getting me frustrated. I honestly don't want to be kicked out of here like I have been plenty of times before. Always, _always_, there's an ass like Gale to come and knock me down from my podium. No matter how low it is.

Katniss walks forward, stepping in front of me, looking up at him. "You better stop." She says. "Go. Home."

"Oh, Catnip-"

"I'll call you in the morning. Go!" She yells at him, turning him and pushing. 'Well that escalated and deflated quickly,' I think. Katniss and Gale bicker for a while before I hear the slam of a door and Katniss comes back, angered.

"I'm sorry you've had to deal with him _again,_" she says, "He's a bit protective."

"But what's he trying to protect you against?" I ask.

"A challenge." She replies.

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**_Review please :) I know these are kind of short chapters but they'll get juicy soon! The_ song was Demi Lovato's "Fix A Heart"**


	4. Chapter 4

_**I don't care what you talkin' 'bout baby. I don't care what you think.**_

_**Don't you come walkin', beggin' back Mama,**_

_**I don't care anyway…**_

Katniss leads me upstairs when all is over; bringing me into what I guess is my bedroom now. She undoes the covers so it'll be a bit easier for me to crawl in, asking if I need anything else.

"No, I'm fine." I mutter softly as a bed, something I haven't slept on in months, calls to me.

"I'll see you in the morning." She says, walking out and closing the door behind her. She opened one of the dresser drawers so I'd know it's okay to look through. I don't want to though. I just remove my prosthetic and lay down, covering myself with the blankets. I sigh, closing my eyes and reveling in the fact I'm in a house, I'm in a bed and I'm in someone's care. Those are three things I haven't been able to say in a while.

But with the perks always comes downsides. I have to deal with Gale, finding a more permanent home, my drinking, staying away from that damned cat… The bad seem to outweigh the good.

Though I must admit, Katniss is different. She is hard yet emotional; fractured yet whole. She doesn't seem to know how to handle other people, let alone her own emotions. But admiring is futile now, I'll wake in the morning and she'll try her hardest to get rid of me.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo xo

I yawn, rolling over and rubbing my temple. It's probably around eight-ish, and I usually wake up due to the sound of rushing traffic anyway. But out here, there is no traffic, just birds. There's no old coot yelling at you to get off of his cat when there's nothing there and no pedestrians avoiding you like you're contagious. That's Katniss' job.

I get up but it's strange for me since I'd forgotten I was elevated on a mattress, almost falling as I put on my leg. I roll a kink out of my neck as I walk to the door, sticking my head out and listening for sounds. I hear pots in the kitchen and know Katniss is up. I sigh, leaving and closing the door behind me.

Katniss is baking pancakes, humming a tune as Buttercup swats her ankles, waiting for a taste. I stand awkwardly at the mouth of the room until she looks over to me.

"Oh hi," she says, immediately stopping her melodic humming. "Didn't hear you wake up."

"Well you _were _busy singing a tune." I say, rubbing a finger over a bruised apple in a fruit bowl next to me. She laughs at me, and I didn't realize I was being funny, so I find myself smiling as well.

"I don't, uh, do that a lot." She says.

"Hum?"

She's quiet for a moment before she breathes, "Yeah."

I've upset her. I don't know how but she's sad now. My brow furrows as I lean against the wall, getting kind of tired of standing but I don't necessarily want to sit right now. 'Don't bring up humming. Okay.' I think to myself. I clench my jaw, to keep myself from saying something worse.

I awkwardly look behind me and see a car in the driveway, one that wasn't there a moment ago. 'Jeez…' I think about cowering behind Katniss, but then I realize the occupant of the care is a woman, with someone in the passenger seat not yet leaving the car.

I open my mouth, but Katniss speaks. "So, uh, Peeta," she stammers, "I suppose you'll have to stay here for maybe a few more days." I cock an eyebrow. She still doesn't turn around as she continues. "Like I said, the shelter won't have a free space for two weeks. Maybe." She mumbles.

"Maybe?" I ask, narrowing my eyes. 'Fuck it, just leave now!' my common sense yells, 'Save yourself the awkward exchange!' Too late.

"Those things are iffy and there's no guarantee that there'll even be a free space." I brace myself for a softer version of "just get out" but it doesn't come.

"You and I can go to the store and buy a few things for you." She says, finally turning to me, and I see her eyes are red as if she'd been crying. My frown deepens but Katniss' attention is drawn to a knock on the door. She walks past me to answer, and I purposefully walk to long way around and sit at the table since Buttercup lies on the island. I turn my head to the direction Katniss left and listen.

"Glimmer!" Katniss says happily. I scramble up from my chair as I hear the next name. "Cato, hi how are you?" Buttercup flees at my uncalled for quick movements. I back away, looking at the locked sliding glass door.

The woman who was driving the car is the first to walk in the kitchen. She's gorgeous with long blonde hair, full curves and friendly yet enticing smiling lips. Katniss walks in behind her, seeing our locked eyes.

"Glimmer, this is Peeta. He's staying with me for a little while." Katniss says as the two walk into the kitchen. Followed by a massive mound of muscle with blonde hair.

Our eyes meet and I can't tear mine away. I can't believe it. The boy that ruined my childhood, pretty much the only reason I dropped out, is full grown and standing right in front of me, nothing but a table separating us. "Do I know you?" He asks curiously.

"Yeah," I say, my hands shaking with adrenaline I have absolutely nothing to do with. "We went to school together. I'm Peeta"

His face goes expressionless for a moment. "Oh," he says. "You're not ringin' a bell."

I take a deep breath. "You're the reason I dropped out of high school. You and that guy Marvel broke my wrist. Twice. Ringing any bells now?"

Katniss and Glimmer are obviously confused, looking back from Cato to me. "Well now I do." He mutters. I can't believe it! No sorry? I remember the day I came back from rehabilitation, fully able to use my prosthetic by myself but the only thing I had trouble with was getting up from the ground. Cato shoved me and laughed when I couldn't stand.

"What's he talking about?" Glimmer asks.

"You bullied me every single day of my life." I say, my anger becoming a little uncontrollable. "I _hated_ school and I _hated _going home." I point an accusing finger at him, "I blame you. You are half of the reason I'm such a fuck up."

"Look, I was just a kid-" He defends.

"No. You kept at it until we were sixteen. Then I dropped out and left home to go live in some alleyway somewhere!"

Cato looks like I slapped him. "I'm _so_ sorry." He says. Like that'll help.

"An apology will get you nowhere now." I snap. From here I can estimate he's about a foot taller than me and maybe fifty pounds heavier. I have no chance at a challenge.

Cato and I just look at each other wordlessly for a long time. "Peeta, why don't you head upstairs? We'll go to the store in a minute."

I look down, walking in-between Cato and Katniss while I watch my feet, taking me and my weird gait upstairs.

"Is what he said true?" I hear Glimmer asks.

"Yeah." Cato breathes. Within seconds, hurried footsteps are followed by a slamming door. Cato stormed out and Glimmer followed. My leg feels weak and I can't make it to the top of the stairs, so I just sit on one, putting my head in my hands. I don't even hear Katniss come when I feel a hand on my back and her warmth next to me.

"I'm so sorry," She whispers. "I had no idea. I had no idea…"

"You couldn't have." I grumble.

I feel her thumb rubbing back and forth on my spine, and she asks "He didn't… Do that did he?" tapping my knee. I shake my head. My eyes burn as I realize I'm starting to tear up, but don't allow myself. I look away from Katniss, blinking. "Let's go to the store." She says, and suddenly the place on my back where her hand was feels very cold as she walks down the stairs. I grab the railing, pulling myself up and following her to the kitchen where she grabs her purse. I run a hand through my hair and follow her out the door, and it seems I close to door to my gloomy morning behind me.

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_**The song at the top was Michael Jackson's "Leave Me Alone" Review please, Katniss and Peeta's relationship is about to spark up.**_


	5. Chapter 5

**_Let the sky fall, when it crumbles_**  
**_We will stand tall_**  
**_Face it all together_**  
**_At skyfall..._**

Katniss actually helps me into the car this time; I grip her arm as I lower myself in, and she closes the door behind me, dropping in the driver's side just a few moments later. We drive in silence for a few minutes until Katniss voices her curiosity.

"So tell me more about… your childhood." She says.

I sigh and start out with what I remember the most, probably telling her a little too much. "Well I was the third child in a family that only wanted two. Two _girls…_ and my parents only wanted to children. So my mom thought that beating me would make it all better, so I wanted to run from home since I was little. My safe haven would be school; trying to get an education so I could actually go someplace great. But Cato made it so I hated both." I spilled.

"What did he do?" She pries.

"Oh anything. Stabbing me with pens and saying I did it myself, so I was sent to guidance and told, _at nine_, that suicide isn't good. He'd given me a black eye the day before picture day." I tell her about when I'd first gotten my prosthetic and that I couldn't get up after he pushed me and she gasped.

"That's _sick_." She breathes.

"It's true." I mutter. I pick at the hem of my shirt about to break down but hold myself together. I look out the window at the quickly passing houses and stores. "What about you?" I croak.

"My childhood? Nothing really all that great. My father passed away when I was little, I had to look after my sister, Prim, a lot of the time. Uh, I've had that stupid cat since I moved out into my own house." I chuckle a bit, seeing a young pair of teens, maybe fourteen, making out on a park bench. 'They don't even know what they're doing.' I think sourly.

Katniss pulls into the parking lot of Walmart, finding a space close to the door and waiting for me to get out before she does. I don't get why, all of a sudden, she's so nice. Who am I kidding, yes I do. She pities me. She feels horrible now that she realizes I'm not the stereotypical bum; I have a horrible past, I'm just a kid, I'm actually nice. She actually holds onto my arm as I walk and I feel pathetic butterflies in my stomach.

I'm always hopeful like that. I've never been with a woman; I've only kissed a girl once when I was fifteen. Why can't I be that sanguine when it comes to getting a job or a home?

"So we'll get some razors so you can shave, stuff like that." She says and I nod, stepping into the store.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo xox

A half an hour later, Katniss and I are leaving with bags in tow and placing them in the trunk of her small car. She closes it and walks to her side, unlocking the car and opening my door for me by stretching over the center console.

"I could have done that myself." I say, sitting down.

"I was being friendly." She's sporting a small smile.

I watch her and her coy features for a moment before asking, "What?"

"Nothing, nothing." She says. I don't say anything for a while, but Katniss does. "Gale and I talked about you. Well, how he treated you. He's mad because… _god_ knows why. He ended up yelling and leaving."

"Why are you telling me this?" I ask softly, so I wouldn't be offensive.

"Thought it'd make you feel a little more… secure." She mutters.

"Y-yeah I guess it does," I say, "but you're not sad?"

"No, he was being an ass. Just like when he hit you and when he came to my house threatening you _and _when he yelled at me. I wanted the break." She grumbles. "Plus, I kind of feel like telling you is a good way of… venting."

I can see where she's coming from. I mean, who do I have to tell? No one. I can't help but wonder why she's smiling. Did she think that by telling me she wasn't with Gale, I'd jump at her like a crazed sex addict? Did she kill him and hide his body?

Did that really just pop in my head?

We drive back into the driveway and Katniss grabs the bags, telling me to head inside. I do so, seeing a small pad of paper and a pencil next to the sink. I flip through the empty pages, grabbing the pencil and taking both to the kitchen table. I'm absentmindedly drawing by the time Katniss walks in the door.

She sets the bags down on the island, looking over my shoulder and asking, "What're you doing?" leaning against the back of my chair.

"I don't really know." I mutter as I draw the intricate details of a child's face. I honestly don't know who this little boy is supposed to be, but he's cowering in the corner of a dusty room with a wood floor. Katniss walks back to the bags, emptying them though I feel her eyes on me constantly.

Little things start to become clear as my hand overtakes the job, drawing a tear down his face, falling form his blue eyes, shaggy light colored hair, and a shadow looming over him with something in their hand. It's a… a pan. Oh my god…

I slam the pad shut, flinging it across the table as I realize why the boy is so familiar. He's me. "Peeta," Katniss says disapprovingly, "what was that for?" She walks to the other side of the table where the paper fell, picking it up and looking at my picture.

"It's me." I say, my voice breaking as I slouch and cover my face. "I didn't even know until the p-pan."

She looks down again, her eyes scoping the picture until she sees it in the shadow. She puts the pad down on the table and walking over to me. She's quiet as she puts her hands on my shoulders, rubbing them to comfort me. She kneels down, prying my hands away from my face.

"You're _okay_ now," She whispers to me, looking me in the eye as my vision floods with tears. "You're not a little boy, Peeta. You're full grown and you're okay. Your parents aren't around anymore. I won't let Gale or Cato near you. I know I can't wipe away all the bad memories but I'll _try_. I'll try to help you, Peeta." She says sympathetically.

I think I scare her with my next move. I grab her shirt and pull her up into a hug abruptly and a little too rough. She gasps at first, but soon wraps her arms around me. It's at an awkward angle and she's basically sitting on my lap. She strokes my hair, hushing me softly. My quiet tears form into sobs, loud and rumbling. Katniss' motherly instincts start to kick in as she kisses the top of my head, waiting for me to quiet down. I rest my forehead on her shoulder as I'm left with just shuddering breaths.

"Shh," she whispers, knotting a hand in my hair, "You okay now?" She asks me.

"Yeah," I mumble. I had no idea Katniss was even capable of caring like this. She seemed so distant from me until now and it looked like she wanted to stay that way, but not anymore. I've changed something. I've flipped a switch inside of her somewhere, and as the gates inside me opened, letting all of the shitty memories flood out, Katniss managed to squeeze in, even though she was fighting a rough current. The question is will she stay like this when she digs deeper?

* * *

**_Song at top was "Skyfall 007" by Adele. review please :}_**


	6. Chapter 6

_This chapter is a little boring at first, but 'lil interesting at the end :}_

* * *

_**Slowly sinking, wasting**_

_**Crumbling like pastries**_

_**And they scream**_

_**The worst things in life come free to us…**_

Katniss has walked away, doing chores upstairs as I slouch, rubbing the corner of the table with my thumbs. Well, I snapped. I'm trying to decide whether it was a bad version of snapping or a _really _bad version. I couldn't decipher Katniss' emotions because I couldn't get a hold of my own.

She'd held me like that for a long time, her hands softly stroking my hair. I could feel her lips brushing against my ear as she whispered to me with my arms wrapped around her in a bear hug. I think I squished her. Buttercup walks up to me, surprisingly enough, not hissing. He just watches me. I lift my foot, pushing against his chest lightly and he skids back. "Shoo." I mumble. He turns and bolts off. That was weird.

Katniss walks back downstairs, changed into a pair of sweatpants that have writing down the left thigh, and a tight fitting red striped shirt and some kind of fabric in her hand. I look away once again, down at my shirt. Its tear stained from bringing it up to my face. I feel the compulsion to just rip it apart, but that'd be a little absurd.

Katniss taps my arm, saying, "Here," quietly, holding up the white shirt that's in her hand. I turn to her slightly, looking up at her. She reaches down, grabbing the hem of my shirt, wordlessly lifting it up and removing it. I feel my face growing red as her eyes dart from my chest to the shirt and she pushes it over my head, allowing me to put my arms through the sleeves.

"Thanks," I mutter, "sorry I kind of… flipped out."

"Everyone deserves a flip out every now and then, as long as there's no killing involved." She says with a small smile. I nod, turning and watching her as she silently hides the notepad from view and my brow furrows. Well, I guess her caution is expected.

"I uh… I don't usually… do that." I stammer and she looks at me through her eyelashes, smirking.

"You don't need to cover your ass, Peeta. I understand."

I look into her eyes for a while. "Okay." I breathe. I scratch the top of my head, cringing as I touch one of the scratches I'd forgotten about. Katniss sees, walking over to me and observing the cuts with one finger of the opposite hand hooked in my shirt.

"They look much better." She says, and, I may be mistaken, but I think her hand lingers on the back of my neck for a little longer than necessary.

I blink, facing the table, feeling her thumb on my sensitive skin, goosebumps rising on my skin. I gulp, regretting the fact I can't see her face. Strangely enough I want to.

It takes me a beat to realize she's not touching me anymore, and I stand, walking to the counter and leaning on it. Katniss opens the fridge, leaning forward and I blink as I can't tear my eyes away from her posterior. She turns around, seeing me trying to play off my staring. She blushes and puts two sodas on the counter. Diet Cherry Coke.

"Ew," I mumble, picking it up and studying the can as Katniss gasps.

"Did you just say 'ew'? You're crazy! Have you ever even tasted Cherry Coke?" She asks. I smirk, shaking my head.

"It just sounds gross." I mutter. She reaches over to my can, opening it and standing back.

"Drink it." She orders, stone faced. I laugh at her, placing the can to my lips and drinking it. I'm expressionless for a few seconds, before I cringe, putting the soda back down.

"I repeat, ew." I say, wiping my mouth. She laughs, telling me I'm crazy again and putting her can back in the fridge and drinking out of mine without hesitation. The freakish half of my mind finds it a little elating as she's not shy about the saliva exchange. Weird, I know.

I clear my throat, trying to clear my mind as well. Okay, all of a sudden all of the inappropriate ideas are flooding my head out of nowhere, and I can't fight them. A new one pops into my mind as I watch her tongue run along her bottom lip, and I distract myself by pushing in the chair I was previously sitting in.

"A few of my friends are coming over later," Katniss says, "I thought maybe you'd like to meet them. They're not like Gale. All girls." She tries to reassure me.

"Oh…" I mutter, "I don't think I really want to meet anybody, if that's what you're saying."

She purses her lips. "Are you going to hide in your room?" She asks jokingly.

"Yeah, kind of…"

She frowns. "You have to interact with other people _sometimes_." She tells me.

"Yeah, well…" my voice trails off.

"Well what?" she pushes.

"I just don't want to. I'm interacting with you, isn't that enough?" I ask, following her as she walks to one of the three rooms down the halls, flicking on lights to reveal a laundry room.

"You interacted with me _after _I cracked your shell." She smirks.

"Well I had to break into yours too." I defend.

She snorts. "And how hard was that?" she asks. Not very.

"Well…" I rack my brain for another excuse but I got nothing.

"They'll be here in a little while. Go cower upstairs if you want to." She pokes my chest, grinning playfully and I cross my arms, determined not to run away from interaction.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo 

Needless to say I'm in my room upstairs. I hear female voices down on the first floor while I lay on my bed, my prosthetic propped up, watching the ceiling. I seriously want to go down there though I feel it's too late to change my mind.

I sigh, sitting up with effort, turning the digital clock on the nightstand to see its only 6:30. With a groan I stand up, walking out of my room. I look both ways for some reason, walking towards the stairs. I'm suddenly subconscious of what I'm wearing. Sock, a pair of sweatpants I'd found, and that same white t-shirt. I frown but keep walking, holding onto the railing like usual.

At the base of the steps, I turn and look into the living room. They're not there. I bend around the corner, looking into the kitchen and see two girls, unfamiliar to me, and Katniss. One of them catches me, tapping Katniss' shoulder. She looks to me, giving me an 'I knew you would' smile. She waves me over and I slowly comply.

One of the girls gives a low whistle and the other hushes her, giggling. "Guys, this is Peeta." Katniss says, placing a hand in-between my shoulder blades. I smile a little and they grin back at me. "This is Johanna and Cashmere." Johanna looks very… flirtatious, with one hand propping up her chin and the other playing with the strap of her tank top, her blonde hair cascading down her shoulders. Cashmere, not so much. She sits with her legs crossed, elbows resting on the countertop, just smiling.

"He is _handsome_!" Johanna says. I blush a little as Katniss pulls out a chair for me and I awkwardly sit. Both of their eyes are locked on my leg momentarily and I know Katniss has told them. They try to be polite, asking me questions, some of them embarrassing.

Johanna talks about sex a lot and Cashmere always directs the conversation back to Katniss, asking things like "Don't you think she's gorgeous?" to get a blush out of both of us.

At one point Johanna walks over to me, and Katniss and Cashmere just giggle as she touches my jaw seductively, obviously playing. I glare at the two other girls as she wraps her arms around me from behind, splaying her hands across my chest, saying "I might just have to take him home."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo 

Eventually Johanna and Cashmere leave, and I watch Katniss clean up the kitchen. "I kind of regret coming down here." I mumble, making Katniss laugh.

"They're weird, I know. You were as red as a tomato when she was touching you." She's grinning as she speaks, wiping down the counter. "So are you hungry?" She asks.

"Not really," I say, "are you?"

"Yeah, kind of." She says, looking through the refrigerator.

"I-I can cook it," I mumble, "If you don't want to."

She looks at me sideways. "You cook?" She asks.

"Hell, yeah, I cook." I say making her giggle. I lick my lips and she stops laughing. 'What'd I do?' I wonder at her suddenly serious complexion. Her eyes dart down to my lips and I lick them again to experiment, getting the same reaction once more.

She shakes her head as if trying to resurrect the light feeling of the conversation. "Yeah okay big man, you cook." She smiles, tossing the wet rag she was using at my chest. I grin as she turns her back and get to work.

* * *

_**Katniss had a total eyegasm! Who wouldn't, though? Song was Ed Sheeran's "A Team" Review plz :}**_


	7. Chapter 7

_**And who do you think you are running 'round leaving scars?**_

_**Collecting your jar of hearts and tearing love apart.**_

_**You're gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul…**_

The dinner I made was much better than Katniss' usually is; she even told me so.

I'm standing over the sink, washing the pot that I made the pasta in and Katniss walks up to me, pecking me on the cheek with her lips. "Thank you for that, Peeta." She says. I grow warm inside and I know it's reflecting on the outside with a blush.

"It was nothing." I mumble, clearing my throat.

"Well it was more than nothing to me." She leans against the counter as I turn off the sink, drying my hands. "I've never had a guy cook me dinner before."

"You haven't?" I ask a little surprised. She shakes her head, keeping her eyes on mine. "Well somebody's been treating you wrong." I mumble.

"Seems so…" she mutters, watching me closely. Why can't I tell what she's thinking? She's so closed off, showing only the slightest hint of either friendliness or a little more. Her eyes gleam with something I haven't seen in them before. "You think you can handle yourself for a few hours while I'm out tomorrow? I have to work." And in an instant that twinkle is gone.

"Y-yeah," I say, blinking away the strange ideas running through my head. "Yeah, like you said I'm a big man."

She laughs at me, patting my back and walking away while calling over her shoulder: "I'll be in the shower." The thought throws me into a fit of fantasies I thought I'd outgrown.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo xoxox

The next day, Katniss leaves early for work, around eight-ish, leaving me alone in the house with nothing to do but avoid Buttercup, watch TV and ignore the phone when it rings as directed. Does that count as a task? No?

I watch a show called "Myth Busters" and they're trying to decide whether jumping as an elevator falls can save you; pretty dumb if you ask me. Buttercup paces on the windowsill and I look out to see Katniss' car pulling in the driveway. I get up, turning the TV off and walking to the mouth of the living room, leaning against the wall until she comes in.

She looks bad. Her hair is tied in a messy bun, her cheeks and eyes red. "What's wrong?" I ask her, stepping forward with a worried look on my face. She walks past me to the kitchen, setting her stuff down like usual but plopping down in a chair. That's unusual.

"Katniss, what happened?" I ask, standing just feet away. She sniffles, rubbing her eye and mumbling something unintelligible. "What?" I ask, kneeling down.

"Gale!" She snaps after only repeating herself one. "He and I fought again today, but he… he…" she chokes on a sob. I wait patiently. "He told me he was done. And that he'd cheated on me, do you know how that feels?" She turns some of her anger on me but I don't mind. I have no idea what it's like to be cheated on but I do know what pain is, and I'm an expert when it's handed out by a loved one.

I shake my head honestly. She pinches the bridge of her nose, another tear falling. I don't even know what I'm doing, but I reach up, putting a hand on her cheek and wiping it away with my thumb. I almost smile as she leans into my touch but that'd be bad, very bad. All of this is unfamiliar to me and figuring out I can do this and she'll react with that is… well, it's exciting. Her cheek is soft and warm and she smells of strawberries and sadness.

Déjà vu. Just a day ago, Katniss and I sat like this, just switched positions. She nuzzles her face closer to my hands, grabbing my wrist. She slowly slips to the floor with me, sitting in a pile in-between my legs. "I don't see why you're so upset. You said yourself he was an ass." I say softly.

"I know… it just hurts." She doesn't open her eyes when she speaks. I wrap my arms around her, sliding her closer. I plan on hugging her, but she has a different idea.

She grabs my face, placing her lips against mine. My eyes go wide but in seconds close as her mouth molds to mine. I'm not sure what to do with my hands so I place them on her hips. I get a funny feeling lower down but in what seems like seconds she's pulling away and wrapping her arms around me. Her face is hidden in the crook of my neck and I can feel her wet cheeks as I stroke her back.

"What was that for?" I ask.

"I wanted to." She grumbles. I chuckle, suddenly feeling like I'm not the small and vulnerable one anymore. It's a great feeling even though I'm not happy the weight has been pushed onto Katniss' shoulders. I'll lift that weight one way or another. I'll help her like she helped. Feeling like this, like I'm bigger than the empire state building, it's new and it's fucking amazing. I want it to stay like this. Never again will I cower when someone bigger and stronger tries to knock me down. I, as cheesy as it is, feel more like a man now that I have kissed a woman, even though it was just a kiss. And not some little middle school crush.

"I'm sorry…" She says, tugging out of my grasp and wiping her eyes.

"What're you apologizing for?" I ask.

"Well… I don't know. That was kind of abrupt. Sorry."

"Stop saying that." I pull myself up then do the same to her. I wrap her into a bear hug that's no longer desperate and sad, but caring and consoling. Her hands curl around my shoulders, her face against my chest. "I didn't mind one bit." I mutter.

_**The song at the top was "Jar of Hearts" by Christina Perri. Review if YOU LOVE JOSH HUTCHERSON'S JAW! Haha :}**_


	8. Chapter 8

_**Spirit of Marilyn callin' me audibly, bawlin' she said that she'd never leave continue to torture me.**_

_**Tellin' me to come with her underneath my comforter and she brought a gun with her, **_

_**Pills and some rum with her.**_

Katniss collected herself quickly; obviously embarrassed she'd basically broken in front of me. I'd thought through what had happened. 'She'd kissed me' was the first dumb ass thought to run through my head. Then 'oh my god she kissed me', and then 'now I know how she feels'.

Is it weird that the only thing I could think about was a plan on how to get her attention, and kiss her again? Yeah, I know. She's been hiding upstairs for about an hour and at one point I heard the shower running. I walk upstairs slowly, stopping at her door. I knock twice, calling her name.

"Katniss?" I ask.

"What?" she snaps. I sigh placing my hand on the doorknob but don't enter yet.

"Can I come in?"

It's quiet for a while and I remove my hand from the doorknob when it turns, and Katniss stands on the other side, looking at me through the crack she made. "No," she mumbles quietly. I place a hand on the door, pushing lightly and she steps back, letting me in.

"You okay now?" I ask.

"Yeah…" she walks to her bed, sitting down, wrapping her arms around a pillow she pulled to her chest. "You're a very supportive person." She mutters, playing with a tag on the pillowcase.

"I try to be." I chuckle, walking to her and sitting down. "It'd be a little heartless to just sit there and watch you cry."

"Well then a lot of people in this world are heartless." She says.

"You just figured that out?"

"I guess…"

I lean back on my elbows, watching her as she sheepishly looks down at her lap. I reach out, putting a hand on her knee. Her eyes travel up my arm, landing on my eyes finally. They're sad yet fiery, boring into mine. I don't really know what she's doing when she puts the pillow down, crawling over to me. She traces a small circle on the base of my neck with her pointer finger before leaning down and placing her lips there. My breath hitches in my throat.

"I wanted to thank you." She whispers, her mouth still on my skin and I think 'Oh dear god, is this really happening?'.

"You don't need to." I breathe, placing a hand on her hip as she tilts my head back. She mumbles something unintelligible as her lips graze up my jawline, playfully nipping my earlobe. I shudder as the pace of my breathing picks up, my heard beating a little faster. "Ah…" I breathe as she hits a sweet spot, her lips curling into a smile against my skin.

Does she really feel like this or am I a substitute for Gale? I can't help but wonder. The devilish side of my mind thinks 'Maybe your first time will be with Katniss'. I close my eyes, feeling her lips wander. No longer do I feel like I want to jump at her, but I kind of want to hold myself back. I can't help but feel she's throwing herself at me out of sadness.

"Katniss," I say a little more firmly. "I don't want you to do this if it has anything to do with Gale." I say as she leans back and looks in my eyes.

"Boy, you're hard to seduce." She laughs half-heartedly, kissing me full on the lips. Her tongue skids along my lower lip, begging for entrance. I allow her and her hands rest on my chest as a low and almost inaudible groan escapes me. Her lips… they taste sweet and passionate, knocking down all of my walls of skepticism. She's soft and warm, not at all what I imagined when I thought of this moment. My first time or my first _real _kiss I imagined hot and sexy moans of pleasure, nothing but ecstasy. But instead it's very quiet as my brain buzzes, both of us barely making a sound. My breathing is a bit labored, but that's it. Katniss is the one pleasing me, nipping and even licking seductively here and there. Every time she hits a spot that sends my heart fluttering I move and bend subtly so she'll do it again. She understands my body language, obviously loving the way I gasp quietly.

I experimentally kiss her neck like she did me and immediately she pulls her hair back and I take that as a confirmation that she likes this. I do what seems like a good idea, moving down to her collarbone cautiously. She presses herself closer and I my eyes widen as I feel the heat from in-between her legs. I'm not a complete moron, I know what that means. There's a far off ringing and my mind is so locked around what I just felt, it takes me a moment to realize it's the phone. 'Please don't get it,' I think.

She pulls away, looking me square in the eye. She gives a shy laugh, crawling off of me. 'Damn…' Her hand lingers on my stomach as she asks "Have you ever kissed a girl?"

"Uh, no…" I mutter, "Was it obvious?"

"No, no!" she says quickly, smiling, "No, it's not that. I was just wondering. With your past and all I was just… I couldn't even picture a girl that'd kiss you." As she notices what she just said, her eyes widen.

"What?" I snap, sitting up.

"No! That came out totally wrong Peeta, I didn't mean _that_!" she basically pleads me. I frown, standing up. "I didn't mean to offend you." She says, standing with me and tugging on my arm.

"I get it." I mutter. I feel like I'm right back to square one. Though Katniss didn't mean it, I know it's true. What girl would kiss me? Does she regret it? But… she did it first.

"Peeta…" she says as I start to walk off. She scurries in front of me, blocking my way. I can't help but crack a smile. She wraps her arms around my neck, kissing me again. "I'm a girl that would kiss you." She says quietly.

* * *

_**Okay so the song at the top was Alicia Keys feat. Nicki Minaj "Girl on Fire" Review plz!**_


	9. Chapter 9

_**Never had much faith in love or miracles**_

_**Never wanna put my heart on the line**_

_**But swimming in your water is something spiritual**_

_**I'm born again every time you spend the night…**_

Katniss pulls away, skeptically looking me in the eye to see if she's forgiven. I feel a goofy grin spread across my face, trying to erase it futile. "You're not very good with words." Is the only thing my brain can come up with. I always do that, god dammit. I was so close to looking either like a bad ass or every girl's dream guy, and I ended up saying that.

She giggles at me, looking me square in the eye. "I know I'm not." She says. "But I've gotten this far in life."

I chuckle. "Slowly and carefully." I say. She nods, dragging me out of her room and downstairs, where we sit on the couch and talk for hours.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxox

The next morning I'm awoken by a distraught Katniss.

"Peeta?" She asks, waking me from my sleep while kneeling on my bed, shaking my shoulders. "Peeta wake up." She breathes.

"What?" I croak, shielding my eyes, feeling invaded by the rays of sunshine that paint my room.

"Buttercup ran away. I know I said I don't like him but… I don't want him to get hurt." She says, bringing her hands up to her chest, clutching her own wrist.

I look at her to make sure she's serious. "I thought cats always come back?" I totally guess.

She shakes her head. "No, he's never been outdoors, he wouldn't know how."

"I don't know what to tell you," I say, sitting up so our faces are inches apart and I am suddenly very aware I slept shirtless last night. She sees too but ignores. "I'll look if you want?" I suggest.

"No," she whines, "I don't know but telling you makes me feel a little less guilty.

"Guilty?"

"I left the sliding glass door open last night and I didn't even know. I feel _horrible_, Peeta." She says. I bring her close, feeling the liberty to console her with touch, rubbing her back. She's not crying, just upset. "My sister loves that cat." I kiss her hair, telling her it's okay.

"Come on, let's go eat breakfast." I say, lifting her up, realizing I slept in my prosthetic, following her out the door.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo xo

I decided to help Katniss make breakfast but she never perked up. She's really down about that stupid cat. I keep looking out back, thinking he'll be sitting there waiting like the good cat he's not to come inside. Katniss has gone to work and has been out for about five hours. I'm at the point where I'm about to rip my hair out. Although he never makes any noise (friendly, at least) it feels so quiet in here. Then again, it's starting to feel kind of restraining staying in here all of the time.

At about 7:30, a little later than usual, Katniss returns. It's dark outside, crickets chirping.

"Hey," she says as I approach the counter which she leans on. She's texting someone and I'm, for some reason, reminded my time here is limited. I feel a little less joyful.

"Hi there," I reply, smiling anyway. She looks out the glass door and I read her expressions. "He's not back." She frowns and puts her phone down. "I've been keeping an eye out." I mutter.

"Thank you." she tells me, "What'd you do today?"

"Nothing," I say quietly. She nods, turning and pushing herself onto the counter, sitting on it. I don't even know this girl all that well and it was just last night that we'd first kissed, but I find my eyes being attracted to places they weren't before like her hips, legs and posterior. "A lot of nothing."

Also, she's treating me differently now, like she is either too shy to move towards me again or she regrets it, like I thought. She scratches her head, sighing. "I'm going to go bathe. It'll help get my mind off of what I have to tell my sister eventually…" she grumbles, hopping down and walking off.

I decide not to say anything because, frankly, I don't know what to. I walk out into the backyard that's all green grass and fallen leaves in the dusk air. I know he wouldn't even begin to come if I called, but I just decide to stand there, looking. It's chilly and I try to rub away some goose bumps.

No sign of any cat. I save myself the shivers and go inside, sitting at the table. I still don't hear the water for Katniss' shower running. I pace and I sit and I'll get up and walk and then sit again, eventually unable to find the power to get up once more until I see something; something black and white clawing at a tree outside. I jump up, opening the door and seeing him. Buttercup claws at a squirrels nest hidden in the branches.

I very slowly walk to him and when he sees me he freezes, allowing me to come closer though. Once standing over him, I snatch him up, getting a claw right to the wrist. He squirms and he fights as I bring him inside, setting him down. He flees to a windowsill, and in no time he's licking himself contently as if nothing happened.

I look down at my wrist, seeing blood trickle in uncanny proportions from the small cut. He must have hit a vein or something because it hurts like a mother fucker and won't stop _bleeding_! I run it under hot tap water, getting a paper towel and putting it over the seemingly problematic injury. I walk out of the kitchen, still holding the makeshift gauze, and upstairs to Katniss' door.

"Katniss?" I ask tapping it with my foot. "Katniss!" I say a little louder. I push open the door, making sure not to get blood on the knob, sticking my head in. Light peeks out from underneath the bathroom door and I walk to that, repeating the process.

I hear feet on the wet tiles and Katniss eventually says "Come in."

What I see almost kills me. Katniss is wrapped in a towel that just reaches past her buttocks; another is wrapped around her hair atop her head. She's sitting on the edge of the tub, draining out the water. She obviously had a bath and didn't shower. "Uh…" I try to clear my thoughts, "I f-found Buttercup." I stutter, inwardly cursing.

She gasps. "You did? Prim won't kill me now!" She says happily. I smile but it falters as my eyes wander down to her chest again, her breasts just begging to be freed from their cloth captors. I gulp, looking at the tub to distract myself. "You okay?" she asks a little quieter.

"What? Yeah, yeah… I'm fine." I stammer. She stands up, turning around to adjust the towel, walking closer to me.

"He's okay right?" She asks.

"Yeah." I answer.

She studies me. "You're acting funny. What's wrong?" Does she not know what she's wearing?! Or more importantly what she's not.

"I'm not acting funny." I defend quietly. The stinging pain in my arm reminds me why else I was up here. "I cut myself. Do you have any Band-Aids?" I ask.

She frowns, looking down at me as I clutch my wrist. She makes me lift up the paper towel to show her and she cringes. "Yeah I have some. What happened?" She asks, turning and looking through drawers below the sink. I watch her, my eyes going wide as I get a glimpse of what's under there when she bends over. I'm like any guy. I've seen some pornos and had those one or two filthy kids in my old classes that'd talk about chicks and sex all the time, but nothing comes in comparison to actually seeing her. It's not like what I thought it would be like, my original theory being it was wet, tender, hairless and somewhat unattractive, even though my sight was limited since she quickly stood back up. But unattractive, it was not. I blink away my shock, feeling myself growing hard.

I turn to the door as she hands me the Band-Aid to save myself the embarrassment of her possibly seeing my erection. "Buttercup." I finally answer, "I uh, think I'm going to shower too." I tell her as I walk out.

"Okay." She says, wary of my sudden change of behavior.

* * *

_**Getting' a little more juicy. Now let me tell you this, I read all of your reviews and take everything into consideration and I thank you for your input and appraisal. So review, tell me what you think! The song was Bruno Mars' newest release "Locked out of Heaven" Ah! Love him!**_


	10. Chapter 10

_Long chapter, hope you like it!_

* * *

_**My pride still feels the sting**_

_**You were my everything**_

_**Someday I'll find a love like yours**_

_**She'll think I'm Superman**_

_**Not super minivan**_

I stand under the hot water beating against my skin, my eyes closed, leaning against the wall as usual. I can't get the picture of Katniss' delectable folds out of my head and the memory of how she'd kissed me the other night… Oh, god. I reach down, taking myself in my hand, stroking up and down. I use some shampoo as lube, thinking of anything to turn myself on. All my thoughts are Katniss, Katniss, Katniss.

Katniss' petite body that moves just the right way; she's not confident and she's not shy, she almost doesn't care. The way she works her hair into a braid, her tank top outlining her perfectly sized breasts. I bite my lip, holding in a groan as the friction starts to feel absolutely heavenly.

Katniss' perfect heart shaped face, her wavy bangs that she always brushes away. I try to think nice thoughts, but my mind instinctively switches back to her wet pussy. I let out that suppressed growl, pumping on my cock, but thankfully it was covered by the sounds of the water hitting the tub. I imagine her breasts that I was so close to seeing just minutes ago, small and fitting perfectly in my palm. Even if it's hopeless to think of Katniss this way, it makes her no less fucking hot.

I try to keep myself quiet as I hit my peak, relieving myself and once done, breathing a shuddering sigh. Is it wrong I do this in someone else's home? Kind of feels like it.

I shampoo and rinse, stepping out of the shower and finishing my process while waiting to put on my shirt as I study myself in the mirror. My chest is broad and naturally puffed out all of the time, which I always thought, was a little strange. My jaw is square, almost too much so. I'm short, but not small. My leg definitely knocks down my attractive level a few notches; at least that's what I think. But maybe what I think differs from what Katniss does…

'Listen to yourself,' I think, 'you sound like a boy who has a crush on their math teacher.'

I rough up my short blonde hair, forgetting my negative, unsupportive brain. I brush my teeth, shave and put on my shirt finally, frowning as I realize it's kind of small. Wow, if it doesn't fit me I can't imagine how short Katniss' father was. I remove it and walk out of the bathroom.

Katniss is walking a basket of laundry down as she sees me, stopping, wide eyed. I hold the shirt out to her, feeling a bit uncomfortable since the last thought about her that ran through my head was of what lies under her clothes. "What?" she asks, taking the shirt.

"Doesn't fit." I simply say.

"Really? It fit my… never mind." She mutters turning and starting to walk down the stairs.

"Wait I don't have a… shirt." I call, mumbling the last word as she's out of earshot. I think I see a devilish smile on her face as she yells to me from the foot of the stairs.

"This load'll be done in an hour. I thought guys liked walking around with no clothes on. Everyone does." She laughs. The thought of Katniss prancing around in her birthday suit almost makes my boner return.

"There's a draft!" I snap sarcastically, making her giggle as she walks away. I follow her down, having a mini-heart attack at the bottom of the stairs as I almost slip. I recover a normal pulse, seeking Katniss in the kitchen where she's texting someone again. My brow furrows.

"Who's that?" I ask.

"No one." She answers briskly, snapping her phone shut and turning to me. "Jo and I are going out for some drinks tomorrow. She's like to know if you want to accompany us." She grins.

"Uh…" I cup the back of my neck with my hand, "Well, I don't think that's a great idea."

"Why not?" she asks, though I think she knows the answer.

"I have a uh… problem. With drinking." Katniss looks at me a moment, watching me closely.

"How big of a problem?"

"Evident enough to be called a problem." I say.

"Oh," she breathes, "Do you think you'd be able to, you know, hold back?" I'm silent for a beat, and then I shake my head. "Oh." She says again. "I didn't know this."

"Likability is a little on the lesser side when all people look at you as is a drinker." I tell her. She nods slowly, though the look on her face isn't comprehension. I don't know what it is.

"Well, that won't obstruct my view of the person I know you are." She says with a smile, wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling me into a hug. I feel her breasts against my chest, closing my eyes, willing myself to stay calm and not think pig-ish thoughts. Yet that picture of her clit is the first thing that floods my brain. I gulp as she pulls away.

"I don't really want to stay here, though." I say.

"Oh. Well, you don't have to. Can I trust you to maybe go buy yourself something, meet me back at the car at a specific time?"

"Maybe, I guess." I grumble.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo xox

Once again, Katniss is all that's on my mind as I wonder on the sidewalk of the small town. She'd worn a short skimpy dress to meet Johanna at a bar and let me tell you, I could barely hide my excited member this time. I'd sat in the passenger seat with my left leg raised so she wouldn't see and be scared off.

I lollygag past an old restaurant, then past a Barnes & Noble with a few chain stores and bars next to it, groaning as I see a sign for a liquor store. The decision I make right now could impact a lot. If I walk forward, I probably wouldn't be able to avoid the temptation to go in and look for a drink but if I do, there's a possibility I could never see Katniss again. That settles that. I turn around and jog away from the store, though it feels like I'm fleeing from nightmares.

I made that sound easy and funny but it's not. It was extremely hard and the truth is I sat there for a few minutes just thinking and staring, but I saved you the boredom. Past the book store and the old rickety building that looks like it houses rats instead of professional chefs, I sigh as I turn the corner. I'm hungry from overthinking too many things lately, including Katniss. Maybe hungry for something else from her that seems so farfetched I could laugh. 'Would she really have sex with me?'

I walk into a Five Guys, buying a burger and some fries, eating them on a bench, sitting crisscross applesauce. I watch the people walk by from a different prospective. They don't hatefully glare at me though they know not even my name. Instead, they don't even look at me. Do you know how great that feels? I smirk as I chew away.

At one point, a young girl passes by with two girls on either side of her, staring at me. They point and giggle and the smallest blushes. They keep walking, one girl calling back to me: "She thinks you're _totally _hot!" just to embarrass her friend. I smile too. Never in a million years would that have happened if I was leaning against a wall in my sweatshirt, cargo pants and rain jacket, unshaven and sulking.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo x

I walk back to Katniss' car at the given time, eleven o'clock. Don't ask what I did from my dinner eating excursion until now because mostly, I wasted my time watching and listening to anything.

Katniss isn't here and the car doors are locked, so I sit on the hood, awaiting her arrival, praying she's okay. I don't count drunk, or even tipsy, as okay.

A few minutes pass, ten, then twenty. I look around at the two young men smoking near the entrance, every now and then a drunken girl walking out, clinging to a man that she probably doesn't know, headed off to a bed or couch, or even just to the car, to fuck. Not to have sex, definitely not to make love, but to just… fuck. No other explanation for it.

I crack my knuckles, sighing. Giggles erupt from the way of the bar and I look to see Katniss and Johanna stumbling out together. "Jesus…" I mumble, hopping off of the car.

They approach slowly, their laughing never dying down. When Johanna gets close enough, she looks at me and slurs, "Hey hot stuff." I don't even crack a smile.

"Katniss?" I ask and when her eyes meet mine I can tell she's drunk out of her mind. I groan, asking for the keys.

"What? No." she says, and I fight with her until she hands them over. I take them, making the two girls sit in the back seat in case they get sick, also so they don't touch me while I try to drive though a foot and a half of extra space won't stop them. It's been years since I've driven a car but it's not a hard task and it's not something you forget easily without the aid of Alzheimer's.

Turning the keys, I ask Johanna where she lives. She makes room in-between her laughing to tell me, "101…" a giggle, "Eleanor Road…" a cackle.

"A little more, please?" I say, totally unfamiliar to what she's telling me.

"You drive righ' pas' Katniss' house! It's the stree' to the… fuck, which way is it?" she mumbles, making Katniss laugh harder.

"Johanna!" I snap to draw her attention back to me.

"The lef'! It's the left, okay?"

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo xox

I drove Johanna home. It was a pain since I had to basically carry her to her door, knocking and seeing a big guy on the other side, furious, asking me why his girlfriend is drunk in my arms.

"I'm with Katniss!" I said to him and he looked confused.

"I thought Gale was-"

"Take her please!" I snapped as Katniss tried to get out of the car.

Now I swing the front door of Katniss' house open with my foot as she latches herself onto me, her arms wrapped around my middle, smiling at me. "I've always thought you were so caring." She says.

"Yeah?" I ask, just so she'll keep going long enough I can get her upstairs and into bed. There's no way in hell I could carry her.

"Mhm," she mumbles, "And firm." She laughs, gripping and squeezing my shoulder. I turn, keeping an arm wrapped around her as I toss the keys onto the counter, starting to head back upstairs. It's never seemed so far to the top.

When we make it, she stumbles but I catch her. She giggles at herself, regaining her footing (as well as she can) and I grumble "You were in there for maybe two hours, how much did you drink?"

"A lot…"

"Great." I drag her to her bedroom, opening the door and walking her to the bed. I lay her down, going back and turning the lights on which I can now do with empty hands. I go back to Katniss, pulling her hair out of its braid, discarding with the hair tie, throwing it on the floor. "Go to sleep, okay?" I say.

I go to leave but she says, "I can't sleep in my clothes," coyly. I turn and basically gape at her, the meaning to her sentence obvious to the dullest of morons. She smiles.

"Katniss…" I mutter, tugging on my hair in annoyance. "You're drunk. Go to sleep."

"Help me an' I will." She promises.

I sigh, walking to her and try to be very cautious of where I put my hands. I place them on her thighs, sliding her dress up a bit, and feeling like I'm not doing the right thing. I mean, she's drunk. But she's so sexy. The dress passes her hips, sliding up her flat stomach and I gulp as her breasts emerge from underneath the fabric, hidden by a skin colored lace bra. I get the dress over her head when she tells me "I have no clean clothes." I know why she said this, but I won't allow myself to have her if she won't remember it tomorrow.

"I'll be right back." I say. I walk slowly to the laundry room, grabbing a faded red t-shirt that I wore to sleep a few nights ago, bringing it back upstairs. What I see almost gives me an orgasm right there.

She took her bra off and its laying on the floor, as well as her panties. She's turned to me, the blankets coming up to her hips, her breasts in full view. She's looking right at me, hooking a finger in the air and signaling for me to approach. I do so, but to only put the t-shirt on her. I have a seriously evident boner and this time Katniss sees and she does not ignore. As I try to get the shirt over her head, she grabs my crotch and I groan. It's a low, animalistic sound and she loves it, giving me a cat-like grin.

"Katniss, put on the shirt please." I breathe. She _has _to run out of energy soon.

"But you like it, don't you?" she purrs, grabbing one of my hands and placing it on her breast. It's soft and warm, her nipple taut, but I quickly remove my hand. There's nothing I want more than to kiss her and knead her and have her howl my name, but not like this.

I force the T-shirt over her head, pulling it down over her bare chest, my hand brushing the perky nipple again as I push it down to her hips, almost gasping as I touch her pubes. She giggles, putting her hands behind her head, grabbing the metal bars of the headboard. I guess she expects me to please her but I do not. It takes all of the power in my body to ignore the intensity of her eyes and say "Goodnight, Katniss."

* * *

_**Little taste of lemons for ya. Song was Train's "50 Ways to Say Goodbye" that song's fucking hilarious. All I ask of you is a review, kind reader. **_


	11. Chapter 11

_You asked for it so much, I decided to finally just let you little creeps have your __lemons__. Though no matter how freakish you are, I'll probably surpass that amount._

* * *

_**You make me feel like I'm losing my virginity**_

_**The first time, every time when you're touching me**_

I woke up early the next day at around seven o'clock. The night before had definitely taken its toll on me. I had dreamed Katniss did a strip tease for me, though the unrealistic part was I had my leg. And the sky was green. Of course, I was three inches away from it being a good dream (and a wet dream), my internal alarm clock waking me up just as Katniss was about to remove her last article of clothing.

I sit down at the counter, rubbing my face and thinking of the so many things I've witnessed lately and not one of them excludes a certain grey eyed woman. The things I'll never be able to un-see, not that I want to. It's just the things I've seen, I don't want to just see them anymore, I want to touch them, I want to touch _Katniss_. I want her... God, do I want her.

I've never been so sexually attracted to someone and as I think it through, the relationship I seek with Katniss, in my mind at least, isn't just sex. I want a… well, a relationship. I suddenly remember the feeling of Katniss' soft breast in my palm, it felt just the way I imagined it. I try to calm myself down and clear my brain, afraid I'll get a hard-on just as Katniss awakes.

I grab a glass and pour some orange juice in it, sitting down at the island, looking out the back door. How in the hell am I supposed to make a move on a girl who's basically my nanny? All she sees me as is a poor house guest.

I turn to the direction of the stairway, jumping a bit as I see Katniss standing in the hall, glaring at me maliciously. "What did you do?" she asks, stepping back as I stand up. She looks like a wreck and still wears my shirt, her arms wrapped tightly around herself.

"What?" I mumble, confused.

"What did you do to me?" She growls. She looks so small and frail; unsure of herself. Something's wrong and I don't think it's the major hangover she probably has.

"What're you talking about?"

"I woke up wearing your shirt, alone, with my clothes thrown on the floor. If you touched me…"

"What? Katniss, no! I didn't… I wouldn't…" I can't form the right words, so I try to justify myself with an explanation. "You could barely even walk, so I took you to your room and you make me take your dress off. You said you didn't have any clean clothes, but when I got back from going and getting you that," I nod to her shirt, which looks like a dress, "You'd taken everything else off."

She grows red, her anger subsiding, embarrassment taking its place but she keeps it up. "I don't believe you…" she grumbles, and I think it's because she couldn't think of anything else.

"I wouldn't… violate you like that." I say. "I may not be the best guy around, but I'm smart enough to know that's wrong." I take another step towards her and this time she doesn't move back.

She continues to glare. "Wha-…" she breathes, looking down. She obviously had an argument, but it's not coming out. She growls to herself, scratching her head. "Really?" she asks quietly, suddenly very interested in her feet. She won't look up from them.

"Yes, really." For once, that's all I have to say too. I don't need to explain myself any further, and the fact she thinks I'd do that send my confidence in being able to get with her sputtering. "Johanna got home safe too." I mumble.

Her eyes travel up to mine; soft, wide and childish. "Thank you…" she quakes. My brow furrows as I hear her shaking voice.

"You okay?" I ask.

"M-my head hurts." She states. I walk to her, wrapping an arm around her unusually frail body and leading her to the kitchen. I pull out the stool I was sitting on and she slides onto it, just below my eye level now. I don't say a word as I hand her my glass of orange juice and she takes it, drinking from it without a second thought. Her once perfect painted nails are now chipped and her hair looks like it was tossed around by gale force winds. She hands it back to me but I shake my head.

"You're supposed to keep yourself hydrated; you know to make yourself feel better. Drink it." I say, putting two fingers on the glass and nudging it back her way. She sighs, putting it back to her lips.

"What'd you do while Johanna and I were being idiots?" she asks me slowly, planning each word through the haze of her headache.

"Nothing, really. I got a burger, walked around a bit, sat on a park bench."

She cringes sympathetically. "I'm sorry. It was stupid of me to drink like that. You shouldn't have had to deal with me and Jo."

"I never mind dealing with you." I say quietly and she looks up at me, confused at first. Her eyes slowly float downwards as if contemplating what to say.

"That's because you're insane." She laughs, making me smile down at her. "But I seem to be quite attracted to insane lately." She adds softly, meeting my eyes for one last time before I grab her, pressing my lips against hers. I'm expecting to be pushed away and told to get lost, but I'm not. In fact, I'm warmly accepted as she wraps her arms around my neck. It's not the kind of kiss she gave me the other night. It's not slow and overly seductive like when she was on top of me and it's not light and flirty like when she'd slipped up and told me she couldn't picture a girl that'd date me.

It's fiery, it's hot, and most of all it's different because I'm in control. She's letting me stand over her, my hands grabbing the counter top on either side of her. She's being submissive to my lips which attack hers. She parts her lips as my tongue asks for acceptance, her hands grabbing my shirt while balled in fists. Her lips burn and I feel my trousers grown tighter as her twists a hand in my hair, the other one staying at my side. I tilt her head back and once again she allows me, her hips flush against mine.

With one cupping her face, I move my other hand to the small of Katniss' back, pressing her as close to me as possible. As our lips part, I notice the volume of our breathing has risen and she blushes as I look into her eyes. If this were just going to be a kiss, she would have stopped me by now and I don't think she's going to.

I don't _think_. But she does. She slinks outs of my grasp, my lips following hers for a moment before she puts a hand on my chest. I feel my heart sink at first… this is, until she grabs my shirt and pulls me along with her. She wears an unsure yet thirsty look on her face, walking backwards, around the island, until her rear hits the table. 'Oh, I get it now…' I think as she pulls me against her again and I no longer try to hide my erection, unembarrassed as she grinds her hips against mine. I put my hands on her hips, lifting her with surprising ease and placing her on the table. She eagerly grabs at the hem of my shirt, lifting it above my head, tossing it at random. She obviously still wears only my shirt (which turns me on all the more) since I can feel her wetness as my pelvis is pressed against hers.

When I thought to myself the last night if Katniss would have sex with me, the answer is now clear. Her arms stay wrapped around me and neither of us comes up for air. Our tongues battle for dominance, and I growl as she bites my bottom lip, tugging seductively. When she lets go, I mimic what she did the other night, peppering wet kisses on her jaw, her neck, her collarbone. She whimpers and at first I think I've done something wrong, but when my lips leave her skin for the slightest second, she pulls me back to her.

I honestly don't know what I'm doing as my hand travels down, feeling her small breasts through the fabric of her-my shirt. Continuing down past her chest, I bring my lips back to hers, kissing her roughly. I start to feel a little nervousness mixed with anticipation. But I know just how unpredictable Katniss is, and I especially don't expect her to let me pull off my next act.

Down her abdomen and pelvis, my fingers slowly slide overtop of her wet clit, and she disconnects our lips with a gasp. I kiss her neck, nipping her earlobe to give my keen lips something to do. My fingers circle around the ball of muscle and Katniss' breathing becomes very labored, gripping my shoulder, her nails digging into my skin. I use my free hand and slide it under her shirt, hinting that I want it removed. She obeys my silent request, stripping herself of the only piece of clothing she was wearing. My hand is immediately attracted to one of her breasts, cupping it and kneading and she moans. I feel powered to have the ability to do this to her. My fingers move in an almost natural rhythm on her wet pussy, stroking and rubbing until the only thing Katniss can focus on is the feeling I'm delivering to her.

"Oh…" she whispers as I start to concentrate on pleasing her, too. She tilts her head back in ecstasy, her eyes closed, breathing slow and almost inaudible profanities. I take my index and middle finger, pushing them inside of her all at once and she rises at the sudden puncture, her sounds of pleasure becoming louder.

I look at her perfect body as she is consumed by pleasure. Her curves are drastic and amazing, her breasts perfectly rounded and both the same size, and finally, I look down at what my hands are doing. Her sex is perfect, wet and ready for the act to come. I ram my fingers into her harder, enjoying this just as much as her. I'm a bit naïve and extremely curious, seeing that I get the same amount of sighs and whines when I rub her clitoris and when I do this.

"Oh, Peeta…" she growls, finally looking down in-between her legs where I have at her. She closes her eyes, biting her lip, whimpering loudly. "Oh!" she holds out the syllable to make a sound that remotely resembles an animal when being cornered. But oh, do I love it.

Suddenly, her body convulses and she yells something about god, but I'm too distracted by the white secretion on my hand. Katniss pants, looking me in the eye as I have a strange urge; I bring my hand up to my mouth, licking of the warm liquid which tastes surprisingly intoxicating and the whites of her eyes grow more visible as she's shocked.

I think I've creeped her out, but she sits back up straight, smashing her lips against mine furiously, breathing "Please oh please, Peeta. Fuck me." Last night when I thought about the difference between fucking, having sex and making love… those rules don't apply here. She reaches down, sliding my pants down my hips, followed by my boxers, my erection springing out into view. Katniss' loud panting is the only thing I hear before I kiss her hard, sliding into her abruptly without warning and she pules against my lips.

I slide myself in and out of her, and she tells me "A little faster," quietly. It feels amazing to be inside of her, and halfway because I've been having disgusting thoughts about her for what seems like forever. Of course, I didn't expect this to ever happen. I start to knead one of her breasts again, making her and I feel amazing sensations all over simultaneously. Katniss cries for me to go faster and faster and I make so many low guttural sounds that have no real definition I can't keep track. Her hands, morphed into claws, dig into my shoulder blades as she throws her head back, moaning. I kiss her exposed neck, both of our bodies now moving to the fast rhythm.

She tastes somewhat salty yet sweet, and I realize a bead of sweat starting to break out of my forehead as well. I groan, plummeting myself into her depths again and again and I can feel her walls start to close around me. "Oh, _fuck_!" she yells, her breasts jumping at the pace my pelvis pounds into hers. She gives muffled cries as I kiss her once again, my tongue working furiously against hers.

"Oh, come on, Katniss." I growl in her ear, beckoning her to convulse like she did when my fingers felt her insides. I'm pretty sure I feel her nails draw blood as she yells my name loudly, hitting her peak.

"Peeta! Oh my god, yes!" I don't stop my routine. I keep on pushing into her deeper and harder, until I feel it coming on.

"Katniss, I'm going to-"

"No." she snaps, pulling me flush against her and finally, I feel myself let loose inside of her, yelling just as loud as her. I don't pull out, though. We sit there in our original position, panting and clutching each other. "Peeta…" she whispers.

I connect our lips one more time in a passionate kiss before she hops off the table, grabbing my boxers and sliding them on. I frown a bit as I put my sweatpants back on, though I feel like the happiest man in the world. She wraps her arms around me in a hug, kissing my pec as light as a butterfly landing on a flower. I smile at her as I bend over, grabbing the worn out shirt she wore and handing it to her. She puts it on.

"That was… wow." She says, scratching her hair with a blush.

"Agreed." I grin, bending down to peck her on the lips.

"I did have to go to Glimmer's house today." She says with a childish grin. It doesn't last long though, and she reminds me her head is pounding still.

"Let's go sit." I say, walking her to the couch and we lay down. It's a great feeling to have a woman wrap her arms around you because she cares. "You still going to Glimmer's?" I ask.

She's still a bit breathless. "Yes. But I'm not leaving you behind."

* * *

_**So there you have it, piglets. The lemons you've been dying for. More soon, I promise. This was long-ass sex scene though. Review plz! Song was Katy Perry's "Hummingbird Heartbeat" I think haha**_


	12. Chapter 12

_**The sharp knife of a short life**_

_**Well, I've had just enough time**_

_**And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom**_

_**I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger**_

_**I've never known the loving of a man, but it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand**_

"Go get dressed." Katniss orders, pulling herself off of me, "I'm going to go to the store to get some things for lunch, you stay here." She says. I moan, not wanting to leave her warm embrace but I do as I'm told, since I feel inclined to. If I don't, who knows what'll happen.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo x

Katniss has been gone for a half an hour, and I dressed myself in jeans and I blue cotton t-shirt. There's a knock on the door and I reluctantly answer it, passing Buttercup on my way who swats at me like a punching bag. I roll my eyes, trudging down the hall. I can feel something wrong as my hand grips the doorknob and I turn it. An older woman and a middle aged man in high end clothing look down on me.

"Uh, hi." I say skittishly. They are not pleased to see me. "Katniss isn't-"

"You must be Peeta." The man interject, sticking out his hand for me to take. "We're from the shelter. I'm Jacob and this is Madge." He says it as if I'd be happy to hear this.

"I know this is an unexpected and early visit, but we knew Miss Everdeen was in a predicament." Madge, with her beautiful hair and high cheekbones, provides. '_A predicament? That's what she calls this? What she calls me?' _I think bitterly.

"Is Miss Everdeen home?" the man-Jacob-asks awkwardly as he realizes I'm not going to take his hand. "Peeta, this must be talked through. I know this probably isn't what you want to hear. Miss Everdeen said she can't afford to sustain another human on her budget."

My eyes go wide and my blood roars through my veins in anger and fright. The man opens his mouth to speak again, but I slam the door in his face, pressing my back to it. _Fuck! _What do I do? I am _not _going to the shelter. Katniss couldn't have possibly said that to them recently. Jesus Christ, I have to leave. I have to go.

"Peeta, open the door, please." Madge speaks again, her voice muffled. God dammit, they won't go away, will they? I'm leaving. I have to, I can't stay here. Katniss wants me out; I knew it was too good to be true! She must have just wanted sex…

I flee upstairs, paying no mind to the soft knocks on the door anymore. I trip on the last step, falling to my knees before recovering and throwing open the hall closet, searching for a bag. I grab the first one my eyes fall on and other things come crashing down. I don't bother closing the door as the contents scatter themselves, running to my room. No, it's not mine anymore. It never was. I snatch my sweatshirt and raincoat, throwing them on as I scramble to steal a few articles of Katniss' fathers clothing. I slip into my old tattered shoes, hurrying to the bathroom and taking the small things I need. I peer out the window to see if their cars are still there since I no longer hear anything: they're gone.

I sigh in relief, making my way downstairs. I feel a lump in my throat and it's not just because I'm leaving. It's because I thought what Katniss and I did, that intimacy, was more than just fucking. Apparently, I was way off. I grab an apple from the bowl and a few things fall. Deciding not to write her any form of a goodbye letter, I head out. The sorrow is flipping on itself, turning into anger as I begin my journey down the road. It's bubbling up from inside, and I turn, with a roar, throwing the fruit. Somehow, it manages to find the windshield of a Cadillac. I sigh. That really is just my luck. I break into a run as the angry yelling and shaking fists start, never turning back.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Katniss returns home and the first thing she notices is that Buttercup is quite happy, content on his perch in the window. '_Ever since Peeta's been here, Buttercup's anger is worse than the Incredible Hulk's' _she thinks to herself. She frowns, setting her purse down on the island as well as the three grocery bags. One orange is laying on the ground and a grape or two are scattered on the marble countertop. "Buttercup, were you up here again?" she asks, picking up the orange, placing it back in the bowl and throwing away the grapes. She sighs, expecting Peeta's warm eyes to meet hers as she turns back to the open kitchen. He's nowhere to be seen. The phone rings, and Katniss shakes her head as she picks it up the home line, answering.

"Hello?" She asks, filling up Buttercup's water bowl.

"Miss everdeen? This is Jacob McCoy from Persiant's Shelter and Home." A familiar voice says. Katniss freezes. No, this isn't what she wants anymore. Her and Peeta, they had something her and Gale never did. Gale stayed with her for the sex; at least it seemed so. He made her go on the pill just so every now and then he could have a quick go at her and leave. Peeta is never _ever _like that. '_I doubt he's had sex before…' _she thinks absent mindedly as the man goes on.

"We stopped by your house today and the young boy-Peeta-answered the door." He states matter-of-factly and Katniss gasps. '_What?!' _"He slammed the door on us." Mr. Jacob adds quietly.

No! She knows what this means. '_He's gone! He left me, I know it!' _she wails inwardly, hanging up on the man that was once doing her a favor, but who she now sees as a massive douche. She runs down the hall, sliding on the carpet that's laid out on the tile floor (which Buttercup doesn't like), and dashing upstairs.

"Peeta!" She yells as she sees things from the closet splayed out across the floor, the door to Peeta's room wide open, showing it trashed and empty. A terrified lump forms in her throat as she steps in the room; not one trace of the boy left. The boy she fears she loves. '_Oh my god!'_

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

I'm not going to even think about her. She fucking _used me_! I can't even begin to explain how I'm feeling right now; back to square one. I'm sitting against a liquor store, drinking foul alcohol. It burns as it runs down my throat, but the water it brings to my eyes distracts me from my thoughts of Katniss.

I get those looks from pedestrians that I'm used to. What was I thinking? Someone I knew for such I short period of time couldn't... fix _this_. Things I try to focus on begin to blur as I feel a bit fuzzy. There will never be enough whisky or jack to drown out the world, but I'm damn sure going to try. Starting now. I tip back the bottle; finishing it. It seems like forever since I felt the familiar pull towards another bottle of alcohol, but I'm feeling it now. I oblige to my needs, buying another drink.

It's about six. Was I actually expecting her to come looking for me? Why would she? She doesn't give a fuck. I'm at the point where I can't really walk straight, my footsteps unpredictable, and I sit down on the sidewalk next to a shitty old bank. It and I are, in some ways, one in the same. It's useless and screwed; so am I. A man walks by me, scoffing at my unruly appearance. I'm in no mood.

"Fuck off…" I murmur, and he raises an eyebrow. "Yeah, I talk." I snap and he hurries away. They're all the same. Can't I just be left alone to sulk in my own stupidity? My head feels almost as heavy as my heart as I put the bottle to my lips again.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

"He's _gone_ Glimmer!" Katniss cries into the phone which she pins to her ear with her shoulder, her hands on the steering wheel.

"Why is this such a big deal, Katniss? I can understand you're upset but you didn't even act this way when Gale left you." Glimmer replies, a little crudely.

"GALE AND I ARE NOTHING!" Katniss shouts, frightening herself. She catches her breath, saying "I'm sorry. Peeta and I… we… you know…" she murmurs, trying to hold in her tears.

"You didn't." Glimmer mumbles, and Katniss can picture her: eyes narrowed and two hands on her hips.

"We did. I need him back, Glim."

"Katniss-"

"I _need _him back!" Katniss interrupts her, rubbing her forehead. Glimmer is quiet for a while, thinking this through.

"Where are you?" she asks.

"I'm already looking for him. I'm by the liquor store on Quarter Avenue." She Katniss tells her, adding "It's most likely where he'll be..."

"Unless he's already been there and he's stumbling around." Glimmer counters, and Katniss knows she's probably right. Peeta could have been gone for hours, and that's the first place an alcoholic would stop. She sends a prayer that she'll find him, turning the corner.

* * *

_**Dramatic turn of events! Katniss is realizing some things here! Review please**_


	13. Chapter 13

Katniss searches eagerly for Peeta, tears streaming down her face constantly. '_Where will I find him? I can't lose him, not like I seem to everyone else!'_ she tells herself inwardly. It takes him fleeing for her to realize she likes him… more than just like. When him and her… when they had _sex _(Katniss' least favorite word in the English dictionary) she felt not only the raw pleasurable sensations, but she felt him. His presence driving into her and making her cry out, she wasn't blinded by the climax. Never, not once, has she ever yelled like that-especially not someone's name.

She stops, pulling over to the shoulder and cupping her face in her hands. She turns off the car and just cries. '_This is so unlike me. Damn you, Peeta.' _She grumbles in her head. She goes over her very short history with Peeta. When she was so out of her wits from her breakup with Gale she mauled him with kisses. When Peeta found Buttercup, and went upstairs all cut up and awkward, making Katniss' heart flutter when he gulped, the fact he was turned on obvious. But most of all, that first night she found him with his mussed up hair, a bleeding skull and a rough, utterly hopeless look to his face. She never wants to see such a sad expression on his face again. Granted she sees his face again, period.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo x

I have no idea where I am anymore. Did I walk down this road already? Did I just pass that car? Hell if I know. When I stretch out my hand it seems miles away and I'm seeing double. No, wait… quadruple. I think. Hell if I know. Did I just say that?

I grab onto a tree to catch my balance, unable to walk in a straight line. Fuck, I couldn't walk in a zigzag line if I wanted to. I don't… I can't tell you how many drinks I've had. I don't know where my last bottle went. I swear I just had it. "Ah, shit…" I slur. I wave off the whole subject, causing me to tip over, but I catch myself at the last second. Could my life get any worse? I mean, I like a girl and she hates me. I get comfortable and I'm forced to run out of the FUCKING HOUSE.

I could strangle someone. I could strangle myself. I made the right decision, right? I mean, staying where I'm not wanted or staying where I don't have to be. Which one sounds better? Exactly. I feel sick and lightheaded but that, right now, is a damn good thing. Headlights spread across the street, blinding me, and I cover my eyes with a groan. The car speeds down the street, screeching to a halt on the shoulder next to where I struggle to stand. A door open and slams shut. What the…?

"Peeta!" Katniss' voice squeals and I can now see her figure rushing towards me. I immediately feel rage.

"NO!" I roar, "DON'T TOUCH ME!" I have no clue where that came from. No, yeah I do. Katniss backs off warily, but just seconds later, she steps forward again.

"Peeta, please!" She begs, "I had no idea they were coming. After what you and I did, I would keep you with me in a heartbeat." Her face is wet with fallen tears and they still rush down her cheeks. She's a mess, with puffy eyes and one of the sweatshirts I used to always wear on. Her face contorts into a frown. "You've been drinking…" she breathes.

"Why do _you_ give a fuck?" I growl, becoming wobbly. I don't allow her to help me stand straight.

"Because Peeta you and I… there's something there. I like you. A lot." She says and my eyes widen at her as she bravely admits it.

"That's great." I mutter, though is barely intelligible.

"Peeta, please listen to me!" She chokes on a sob.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

He won't listen. He screamed at her and now he won't listen. He's slurring his words and he looks a mess, back the way he started. Each of the steps he takes is wobbly and uncoordinated, and he looks mad with rage and alcohol. Tears pour down like a waterfall as she steps closer. "Peeta…" she breathes warily, "I didn't know they were coming…" She is trying to dance around the subject of the shelter, never outright saying it.

He waves her off, his gestures wild, supporting himself with one hand on the wall. At first, it looks like he might be sick, but he looks at her once again. "_You _did this." He murmurs, "I thought you were nice and friendly but you were just going to kick me right back out. On the street. On my ass." It's not clear if he's talking to himself or her.

"That was before you and I… did…" She refuses to say the word. "Peeta please just come back. You can't even stand on your own." She tries to bargain. "I promise I didn't know they were coming. I want you with me!" He freezes at her words turning to look at her. She has her chance and his attention.

"After this morning," she finds it hard to believe it was just this morning, "The last thing on my mind was sending you off. I've never felt more… amazing. All because of you. I didn't even want to think about the shelter." He freezes as she says it, as if it pained him to hear this. "I was about to call the cops because you were gone. I want you back more than anything. Peeta, I'm begging you."

"Obviously…" he scoffs quietly.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Katniss is crying. I don't know how, but all of a sudden she's just inches from me. Did I hear her right? She's begging? She wants _me _with _her_?

This is just great. Not only is she the first girl that I thought I'd love, but she's managed to do all of this in just a few hours. Very gingerly, she reaches out and traps my hand in hers. "Just for the night. Come back, sober up." She whispers. I honestly don't want to but… she looks like she's genuinely freaking the fuck out. She lifts my hand up and holds it to her chest. "Please, don't put me through any more of this."

"Put _you_? I nearly lost it. And I've restarted this fucking cycle with my drinking…" I slur and my voice betrays me by cracking. I look down on her and she pulls me to her, wrapping her arms around my middle and kissing my pec again. It's so… comforting. I feel sick again, and I don't know if it's the alcohol in my system or my conflicting thoughts.

"I can help you. I can get you help with your drinking." She promises me. And surprisingly, I believe her. That's something I thought I wouldn't say again.

"Can you just… take me home, please?" I ask, and a tear rolls down my cheek. I almost lose my balance again and she catches me, kissing my forehead.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

I groan, rolling over in the warm, large bed that's unfamiliar to me. The covers smell like Katniss. Oh fuck, my head hurts and I feel like I might hurl. Trying to sit up is a mistake, and all of a sudden I feel it coming. I look around quickly, seeing two doors on the left side of the room. I stand; though my head is spinning, and throw open the first one. Dammit. A closet. I open the second one to reveal a bathroom. I rush to the toilet, fall to my knees, and… I'll spare you the details.

When I'm done regurgitating, I spit into the sink, fill my mouth with water and repeat. I look like shit in the mirror, my hair nowhere near tidy and my shirt gone. Suddenly, there's a girl behind me. "Hi." Katniss breathes with a smile. I sigh and turn to her. She places my shampoo, razor and toothbrush next to me on the sink. "You can shower in here." She says.

"Thanks." I mumble, my voice hoarse. I turn back to the mirror.

"Come get me before you shower." She says seductively, leaving me alone. What did she just say? Does she think I wouldn't be mad? Well I am. Kind of. It's hard when you know what she's suggesting. I can't do this yet. I have to know if what she said, about not wanting to send me back after we had sex, is true. I quickly brush my teeth and shave, and head downstairs.

She's sitting on the couch wearing that same pale red vintage t-shirt that she was wearing earlier, and I blush at the memory. Very short pinks shorts cover her bottom and she is barefoot, legs crossed deliciously. I shake off my perverted thoughts, clearing my throat.

"Can you and I talk? Seriously?" I ask, surprising her. She turns and looks at me, her eyes looking me up and down and I can tell she's happy I listened to her request of not showering without her.

"Yeah, come sit." She says, scooting over and giving me room. I walk to her awkwardly, sitting next to her. The first thing that comes to mind flies out of my mouth too quickly to stop.

"When you said you'd get me help with my drinking. You were serious, right?"

She blinks, looking at me. "Yes. Everything I said last night was serious." She answers. I nod, swallowing a lump in my throat. God, I hate these talks.

"Okay. A-and when you said you wanted me with you… specify what that meant." I'm surprised at how much I'm remembering from my drunken stupor.

"Peeta, this instant is the only time there is. But to answer your question: I want you with me from here on out." She tells me. That was a little vague, but good enough for my hangover brain.

"And you promise me, you'll look me in the eye and tell me, that you liked me even before the sex. You would have considered calling off the shelter before me and you…" my voice trails off. She does exactly as I say, looking me square in the eye and promising.

"One more thing, I promise. When you said you were begging me… can you do that again?"

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Katniss turns on the shower, moving in stride over to me, hastily kissing me. Her lips are soft and familiar, wet and roaming. The sound of the water hitting the porcelain tub fills the air along with Katniss' orders.

"Take off my shirt." She says. I see how it is. She is one bossy woman. I remove her shirt as told but she can't do it in return since I'm already bare-chested. I run my hands up her flat abdomen, around to her back, pulling her closer to me, as close as possible. She knots a hand in my hair, smashing our lips together, her other hand sliding into the waistband of my pants. I bite her bottom lip, pulling playfully and she giggles at me. _Katniss _giggled at me.

"Oh jeez, Peeta," She breathes, "what would I do without you?"

"Breathe easier." I say, my smile fading. She looks into my eyes for a moment, and very Katniss like, she can't think of anything to say. In a rush, she kisses me again, and my depressing thoughts disperse when she undoes my belt, ripping it from its loops.

"I'll breathe easier when you're inside me." She hisses, unbuttoning my jeans and slashing down my zipper. She pushes my jeans down my legs and I step out of them. I remove her pants as well, seeing she's wearing thin white lace panties. I groan and look up at her. She smiles down evilly at me, hooking her thumbs into the straps of her bra, signaling for me to take it off. Her smile widens as I unclasp her bra and she puts her arms forward so I can slip it off.

I reconnect my lips to the soft, perfect skin of her neck, making my way down. I suck a bit at her collarbone, until I reach her breasts. She gasps as I knead one, kissing her opposite nipple, taking her into my mouth. I feel her nipple harden and I smile when she's had enough.

"My turn." She snaps, making me stand back up straight. 'Oh dear god…' I growl in my head as she sinks to her knees, hooking her fingers into my boxers. Achingly slow, she slides them down, my erection now visible.

"Ah!" I snarl as she takes me into her mouth, pumping within seconds. I reach down, twisting a hand into her hair as my hips start to move with the rhythm she set out. "Oh…" I exhale. Her hand moves in time with her mouth, covering more space.

I can't tell you how amazing this feels. I mean, being back in Katniss'… safety; her warmth, inside and out. I put a hand on the icy tile walls to balance myself as I let the ecstasy take over, growling and groaning as Katniss' mouth moves fluidly, making me feel lightheaded and… oh god. She looks at me through her eyelashes, moaning lightly, making me heighten faster. "Oh, Katniss…" I breathe as her teeth graze my girth, and I find myself looking down at her darkly, drinking in her every feature. Her dark hair that cascades down the sides of her face and all down her shoulders, her gray eyes that never waver and bore into mine seductively, the way her curves make me even harder as she forces me towards an orgasm. She removes her mouth from me for just a moment to pull her hair out of the way and I hold it back for her. That one moment seems all too long and I can feel my nerves on edge, consuming me when she starts thrusting on me again.

"Oh fuck!" I rumble, releasing myself into her mouth, leaning farther onto the wall. She tilts her head back, making a very provocative show of licking the cum off of her lips. She's being so… challenging. It makes me want to fuck her. Hard.

She stands slowly and I let go of her hair reluctantly. She reconnects our lips, immediately invading my mouth and making me taste myself. I groan against her lips, using all of my strength not to melt to a puddle at her feet. I never thought I could feel these emotions for someone so quickly. "You like your taste?" she asks me.

"Especially on your lips." I mutter, reaching down and tearing off her panties, pressing her against the wall as she wraps her legs around my hips. I ease into her, and take her right there.

_**Sorry it's been so long, Sandy blew through and everyone had their panties in a bunch. Review plz!**_


	14. Chapter 14

_**There's a place that I know**_

_**It's not pretty there and few have ever gone**_

_**If I show it to you now will it make you run away?**_

After the heated romance had worn off, the heaviness of my situation set in.

I stare out the window, sadness unable to leave my every waking thought alone. What the hell happened? Just twenty minutes ago, Katniss and I made love in the bathroom, now she's talking quietly with a psychiatrist on the phone about me and my… numerous problems. I can just barely hear her soft murmurs.

"I don't know how long he's had a drinking problem… From what I hear, his life's been hard since it began… Yeah… I don't even know if he had a father, I can't quite remember… All he ever told me about was his mother… Yes, horrible." I stop listening then. I can't stand the thought of my mother, the bitch that ripped me a new one every time I got home from school. Immediately, a memory of Cato pops in my mind as well, unwelcomed:

_~Flashback~_

All the other children laughed, pointed and sneered. I lay covered in mud, anger and tears fighting to surface first. I was maybe eight, and Cato and Marvel stood over me, proud of their work.

"Come on, stand up!" Marvel growled, kicking my new prosthetic. I tried and I tried but no matter how hard, I only got a few inches before plopping on the ground again. They had managed to drive the teachers away by saying another kid had fallen and snapped a bone a few hundred yards down the path. It was a field trip, and we were deep in the forest following a measly trail, looking for wildlife. The only animals I saw were Cato and Marvel.

You will never _ever _know how traumatizing this moment was for me. I was in rehabilitation for months, limping and walking my way back to normalcy. I was ready to go back to school, ready to face the questions about what had happened. I wasn't ready to feel my mother's wrath again, or to be publicly humiliated by these two.

"Leave me alone!" I yelled to all of the kids. How could they not realize what they were doing was so morally wrong?

"He can't get up!" Cato laughed, "What's the use of a new leg if you can't use it?" He walked to me and kicked me in the side just seconds before he was hauled away by a chaperone. Our teacher ran to me and picked me up, trying to get me to respond and tell her I was okay as I cried. I couldn't say anything because I couldn't be farther from okay.

As the other children were directed to lunch, I sobbed like the child I was. The chaperone that stopped Cato held me in her arms while my teacher called my parents. I wouldn't move my hands away from my face out of shame. "You're okay, you're okay." The woman murmured in my ear, my prosthetic propped up in the bench beside us.

"Peeta?" my father called. I didn't care. He was just there to take me home, back to mother. I looked through my fingers to see him jogging over, worried. But no matter how much my father seemed to care, I always reminded myself he knew what my mother did to me, and never _cared_ enough to stop her.

The woman made me get off her lap, her clothes dirtied because of me. "What happened?" my father barked at her.

"Some of the other boys pushed him down." she answered softly. I looked up to my father, sniffling, and you won't believe the expression in his eyes. No pity, no sympathy. Anger. Shame. I can imagine him saying "And you didn't do anything? You just sat there and took it? You worthless piece of shit. _I_ birthed _you_?"

_~End of flashback~_

I hadn't realized I'd started crying. It started raining outside, and I can't hear Katniss' voice anymore. Maybe she stepped out so I wouldn't eavesdrop. I wipe my face dry with my hand. I'm still shirtless, but go on the hunt for Katniss anyway. I walk through the kitchen and see the back door open. Katniss sits on a chair, saying goodbye to the psychiatrist. She finally catches sight of me, and smiles.

"Hey." She says quietly, but soon sees I've been crying. I feel so pathetic. "What's wrong?" she asks.

I shake my head. "Nothing. I've just been thinking too much." I mumble. Katniss combs a hand through my hair, just like she did when I pushed into her while pinning her to the bathroom wall. I feel like Katniss puts a brick wall in-between me and my past. The sex takes my mind off of it, sure, but not as much as the little things Katniss does. She always holds my hand when I get uncomfortable. She tries her best to shade me from my past and hers. I don't mind either; I don't like dwelling in things like that.

"Well don't." she says, adding quietly, "Look, I have someone coming over tonight. I think you might just want to, you know, stay hidden."

I look at her warily. "Who?"

"Well, it's uh, it's Gale." She stammers. My jaw drops.

"Why the hell is he coming over here? I thought you two were split, _completely_!" I raise my voice and she cringes.

"We are, Peeta, I promise. I wouldn't do that. It's just, he wants to talk things through. He says he was an ass and wants to apologize in person." She explains.

"Oh, in that case, _no_!" I snap again. Her face grows dark, and I know I've done something wrong.

"It's not your choice." She growls, shouldering past me, back into the house. This whole Katniss and I thing, is starting to feel like a sickening rollercoaster. And Gale just makes it worse. I clench my fists, imagining all sorts of torture Gale deserves to be put through. And I might do it to him.

_**Short chapter, but juicy. Review please!**_


	15. Chapter 15

_**Round and around and around and around we go…**_

_**Oh now, tell me now, tell me now, tell me now, you know…**_

I'm lying on the floor in my room. The bed is uncomfortable; I want to sleep on a hard surface like I always used to when I was on the streets. Not that I miss it or anything, I'm just not used to a bed. Katniss is downstairs. I'm pretty sure Gale is too. I don't know, since I'm lying on my side with a pillow over my ear.

Life sucks, don't you think? I'm an alcoholic. That thought makes me want to cry, since I have not one clue how it came to be. I'm homeless. I have one leg. And that bastard is downstairs with his ex, the same woman that just fucked me in the bathroom.

No. We didn't fuck, we had sex. But we didn't make love. You don't make love in a bathroom. You don't make love with homeless people.

I whimper, lifting the pillow and chucking it, and it hits Buttercup. The grotesque cat hisses and hurries out of the cracked door as I sit up. I'm too lazy to stand, so I scoot out of the room on my ass, all the way to the top of the stairs, propping myself up against a wall and listening.

"What you did was so wrong, it's not even funny." Katniss murmurs to Gale. They must be in the kitchen, since their voices echo off of the tiles.

"You always say that. Give me a break, Catnip. We've known each other forever. You really want to break it off because of this?" He asks.

Katniss is silent for a moment. "Yeah…"

"This is ridiculous!" Gale snaps, "You've seen me do mean dumb shit before! Why is this different?" At his tone I stand and begin to walk down the stairs slowly, remembering I always slip at a certain spot, and I resume listening.

"B-because!" she hisses, "It was rude."

"What aren't you telling me, Kat?" he asks, as if crooning the answer out of her. I can't believe it. She's not going to tell him we slept together… ish. Fucking in a bathroom, I think that counts! I need to stop calling it "fucking". I listen to see if she'll tell him.

"A lot, Gale." She says calmly, "But those things aren't your business."

"Did you fuck him?" He asks, astounded. '_He used the F-word too!_' I grip the railing. I don't know what I want to do. Yell at Katniss or Gale? I peer around the corner at them as they talk from across the island.

"No, I didn't fuck him. I wouldn't do that." She mutters quietly. I step into view with a deep frown on my face.

"Katniss," I say, as if I'd walked in on her and him kissing. She gapes at me, and then blushes. She's been caught in a lie.

"Go, Gale. Don't call me." She says, standing and nudging Gale towards the door, and I back away a bit, giving him his space. Enough space I could hurry into the living room if he went after me.

"So you did?" He pushes, looking down on her, "Kat, that's pathetic."

Now her blush is crimson red, and she snarls "Get. _Out."_

"Don't worry," he grumbles, "I'm going." Gale walks to the door, swinging it open before turning to me. "She's a whore. Tell her to get down on her knees, she will." And with that, he leaves, rattling the house as slams the door. Katniss growls furiously, before walking to the island in the kitchen and plopping her head down on her hands as she sits.

"You don't want him to know you had sex with me?" I ask breathlessly. She lifts her eyes, completely ignoring what I said.

"I won't get down on my-"

"Katniss, you're not a whore. He's a dick, and he wanted to make you cry, that's why he said that. But why'd you lie when he asked if you slept with me?" I step closer-into the kitchen-and reach out, rubbing her back.

"BECAUSE HE'S TOLD EVERYONE I'M A SLUT!" She bursts, making me jump as she begins to sob, "And then I went and slept with you…" My heart cracks in half, and I clench my jaw to keep everything in. She sniffles and says, "I'm s-sorry. That came out wrong."

"Katniss, I don't have to stay here if you don't want me to." I whisper. I'm not trying to offend her, but keep my voice soft. She turns and wraps her arms around my neck, hiding her face and crying. I lift her and sit down, so she's on my lap. Her shoulders shake as she weeps, and I tell her, "It doesn't matter what Gale or anyone else thinks. But if you're afraid, I'll leave." My voice cracks and I curse myself. I don't want to leave Katniss; she's my everything, and not just because she gives me a place to live and food to eat, but because I love her.

I love her.

"I-I love you." I stammer, pulling her head back and looking her in the eye. Her face crumbles and she kisses me hard.

"I love you too." She whimpers, "I've never met someone so kind." She hides her face in my chest again, and I hold her until she's done crying.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

I've been caught lying on the floor again. Katniss' episode didn't last long. She'd taken a shower and came downstairs in shorts and one of her dads shirts.

"What're you doing?" She asks. Her voice is still low and sad, and I look at her with a smile, trying to cheer her up. She leans against the wall of the dimly lit living room.

"The floor is comfier than lying on the couch." I say.

"What? How?"

"I think because it's been a while since I've really slept on beds and couches. But I'm still scared of Buttercup." I flash a grin, and she chuckles, walking to me and lying next to me, curling up in a ball all tucked under my arm. "I hate to say this but you look beautiful when you're sad."

She splays a hand on my chest, drawing shapes with her index finger. My smile fades as she murmurs, "I found a therapist thing for you."

"Therapist _thing_?" I question.

"Yeah. He deals with people who have family problems, as well with alcohol and substance abuse. If you want to go, you have an appointment set up tomorrow. Will you go with me?"

"… Yeah, sure." I breathe.


	16. Chapter 16

_**In a coat of gold or a coat of red, **_

_**a lion still has claws.**_

_**And mine are long and sharp, my lord, **_

_**as long and sharp as yours.**_

The car ride is long and quiet except for the rock station playing quietly on the radio. I'm not looking forward to seeing this doctor, but it'll help me get over my problem. '_Katniss probably thinks of it as baggage.' _I tell myself. Why am I having these sour thoughts? Eventually, Katniss turns off the radio completely and takes a deep breath, saying, "We need to talk about something."

'_Oh god…' _"What is it?" I ask.

"Peeta, I… you know, I told you earlier I…" She stammers. Oh my god. She can't say it. She can't even say the god damn world "love". "I l-love you. I'd do anything to help you. I'm bringing you to this _therapist_ guy, I've kept you at my house… but I don't make enough money to support both of us."

She looks over at me quickly and gouges my reaction. My lips are pursed slightly and I'm frowning. "Okay." I grump. I am still a bit lost. "What are you proposing?"

"… The shelter, Peeta. I know you'd rather die than go there, but it'll be a _good_ thing." She spills, "It promotes the searching of jobs, and you're encouraged to go out and look for work during the day-anything that pays. It's only a half an hour from my house, you can take a bus or a cab."

There's so much I want to say to her that I just can't. _Don't you get it? If I get a job, the first thing I'll do with that money is buy alcohol. Those places aren't good, if you can manage to sneak in anything nice it'll get broken or stolen. You give a certain percent of your (fucking small) wage to the shelter, so there goes that benefit. You just don't get it. _But I want to stay with Katniss. She's done so much for me and I do love her. "I'll go. Calm down." I murmur. She grins as she stares at the road ahead of us. She reaches across and squeezes my good knee, but I can't muster any miniscule happy expression.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

I'm treated like a patient at this place. It's quite lavish with a big indoor fountain greeting you the second you walk in; just to remind you this is a high-end place. Katniss squeezes my arm as she pulls me to the reception desk and tells the receptionist about our appointment. The fake-boobed red haired woman smiles broadly and stands.

"Of course," she says as I scratch my head, "Dr. Crane has been waiting for you. Come, come." Katniss intertwines our fingers and drags me down a hall. I stare at my feet, thinking only of the shelter, not of the wide doorway I walk through, not of the fact I rudely sit down immediately after entering the office and don't shake Dr. Crane's hand.

"Sorry," Katniss murmurs and the receptionist leaves, "he's a bit distraught. I'm Katniss, as you know, and this is Peeta." I look up, blinking away my hazy dream state.

"Good to meet you both," Dr. Crane says, sitting down behind his desk, straightening the lapels on his exquisite suit jacket. Katniss sits on the couch beside me, squeezing my wrist. "What's got you distracted, Peeta?"

I tilt my head back slightly and stare at him. "A lot." I mumble. I just had sex with Katniss for the second time, told her I loved her, and then I learn I still have to resort to a shelter.

"We've got time. Sit back, relax, tell me." He says. I don't trust him.

"Uh… well I guess the biggest thing is the whole shelter thing." I shrug, "It intimidates me."

Crane nods slowly, clicking his pen and saying, "Katniss informed me. You know, those places were designed with people like you in mind. They're completely safe and welcome newcomers."

"Yeah." I brush off his consoling that simply.

"I want to talk about your leg, is that okay?" I nod. "How'd you lose it?"

Dr. Crane stills and Katniss takes a sharp intake of breath as I say emotionlessly and bluntly, "My mom hit me with her car."

"Why?" He asks.

"I was standing in front of the car while she was trying to leave because I was talking to my dad. I was complaining 'cause they hadn't fed me in over two days. She got sick of it so she kind of just pressed on the gas and got out all flustered, pretending it was an accident. Bitch had to pay for surgery, a prosthetic and physical therapy."

Crane gives me a few words about how we shouldn't refer to anyone as "bitch" and how I shouldn't hold onto someone else's anger.

"What about your drinking?" He changes the subject.

"What about it?"

"Tell me about it. Is it a major problem?"

"Yes," I say. "It has been since I was young. I'm at the point where I think… if I was given money I would just go to a liquor store." I'm hesitant.

Dr. Crane nods. "But currently you don't have access to alcohol?" I shake my head. "Good. It's a good idea to kind of just… wean you off. Not so hard when you're young and less dependent." '_Less dependent?' _Does he know nothing?

We go on for a whole hour just talking about how much of a fuck-up I am, and by the time we're heading out I'm a sulking, griping asshole.

The air outside is starting to get so cold you can see your breath, and Katniss hugs my arm. "You did good." She says. I grunt.

"When do I leave?" I ask, changing the subject.

She blinks, watching me walk away as we go to our different sides of the car. "Tomorrow, I guess… Your next appointment with Dr. Crane is next week, same time." Apparently, she doesn't want to talk about it either.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

It's about 10:00 the next morning as Katniss drops me off at the tall, sturdy, intimidating looking building. I had refused to take any of her father's clothing with me, because I know it's hard to even look at his picture, let alone let someone walk away with a memoir of him. She hops out with me into the cold late-September air, kissing me softly and hugging me. I'm back in my old uniform: camouflage cargo pants, boots, and four layers on the upper half (a long sleeved shirt, a short sleeved shirt, a sweatshirt and a raincoat). I have only these articles of clothing, $20 Katniss gave me, two books on alcoholism that Katniss once again gave me, and a banana that, you could guess, Katniss gave me, all in a plastic bag.

"Come take the bus to see me every day." She demands with a smile, "Look for a job, make wise choices. And keep this." She slips a folded up picture in my hand. "Don't look at it yet. Anyway, I shouldn't come in; you're big enough to handle this yourself. I love you." She gets it out quickly.

"I love you too." I mumble. She smiles, kisses my forehead, and watches me angrily walk inside.

I want to leave the second I get in there. This front register room is packed with mostly men much older than me and some women. I wonder if there are kids here. There's a long line that leads to the reception area I guess. When I'm next I hear the woman explains to the middle-aged man: "This is the list of rules if you wish to stay at Persiant's Shelter and Home. This is your medical evaluation form. That, a slip required for your bed assignment and this is your slip you must have if you wish you receive any necessary winter clothing. Big snow storm coming. Anyway, head off to the cafeteria where your filled out forms will be processed and you'll get your bed assigned." _'Is this prison?' _

When she hands me the papers she tells me the exact same things. I shove my banana in my sweatshirt pocket after someone tries to snatch it from me and head off to the cafeteria. I fill out my medical form, learning I'm to have a physical within the hour. I ignore the slip for clothes but fill out the bed assignment slip.

Everything here works in a certain orderly process. When you first get to the cafeteria you're given a PB&J and some juice, which you have no time to eat and must cram in your pockets, and then you give your papers to a mean woman hiding in a small glass and metal box, then you head off to take a very public shower, then you get your demeaning physical.

By the time three o'clock rolls around I've been assigned my bed and am sitting on it. There are at least a hundred bunk beds in this room, almost every one taken, clothing marking whether or not the certain spot it occupied or vacant. I have a top bunk and sit amongst my layers of clothing I've shed and my food as I eat it. I grunt, remembering something. I dig in one of my many pants pockets and find the picture Katniss gave me. I drop it the second I unfold it and it flutters off of the bed, onto the ground.

It… it was a nude. Katniss took a nude picture of herself, printed it out and gave it to me. I'm almost shocked speechless again when a man walks to my bed and picks the picture up. "Well holy hell," He says, "is this your girlfriend?" He's younger than I thought, with auburn hair and green eyes, a short beard hiding the lower half of his face.

I hop off of the bed and snap, "Give it back."

He looks at it a moment more with squinted eyes, holding it up high so I can't reach it. "Damn… Calm yourself kid, here ya go." He hands it back and sits on the bed below mine. I study it a moment more before refolding it and putting it back in my pocket. "Is she?" he asks.

"What?"

"Is she your girlfriend?" He clarifies.

"Uh… I guess." I shrug, sighing and looking back at the top bunk. It was a motherfucker getting up there when there _wasn't _someone on the lower bunk.

"Nice." He grins, saying as he shrugs his backpack off of his shoulders, "I'm Finnick."

"Peeta." I mumble, standing there like a dumbass. I hear the unmistakable _'chink' _of glass against glass in his bag. He has alcohol.

"How old are you, _Peeta_?" He asks.

"23."

"Same here, man." He sighs as I reach up and grab my PB&J. He pulls some Jack Daniels from his bag and takes a swig, making me uneasy. '_I don't want to drink and yet I do.'_

I'd do anything to get him to put that bottle away, so I shift uncomfortably and say, "Look, you wouldn't mind switching beds with me would you?"

Finnick narrows his eyes. "Why?" He almost accuses.

I look down at my right leg. "I'm a bit… lame." I pull up my pant leg and show him the metal joint of my ankle. The whites of his eyes become more visible as surprise registers on his face.

"In that case, yeah, sure." We collect our stuff and switch. I lay down quietly and eat my banana. I stop chewing when Finnick offers me a swig of his whiskey.

* * *

**Such a damn long wait, sorry. I needed inspiration and finally got it today! Review please!**_** Song up top was "Rains of Castamere" from Game of Thrones (Adrisaurus' version) **_


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